Anorak News | Ahmageddon Out Of Here: George Bush Is A Walking Bomb

Ahmageddon Out Of Here: George Bush Is A Walking Bomb

by | 22nd, August 2007

george_bush_fatah.jpg“DOCTORS have told George [Bush] he’s a walking medical time bomb.”

So says a “family friend” in the National Enquirer. And it’s not small shock to we who thought that ticking sound was caused by a shard of pretzel caught in Dubya’s windpipe.

What can we do to defuse this explosive, this one man Ahmageddon out of here?

Says the insider: “If he’s stressed any more, his heart could explode.”

What an exploding Bush will do to oil prices and stock markets, let alone his horse, is too terrible to contemplate. It is clear that he must not be stressed in any way less regime change be brought about by the loud bang of a bursting balloon or a hard-to-open bag of potato chips.

Thankfully, Laura Bush is on hand to help. The Enquirer has a picture of Laura holding her husband by the arm in the manner of a care worker with her charge. Less the ball and chain, Laura is the rock atop which towering Bush is built.

But there are rumblings of discontent. As the Enquirer says, Laura is planning to divorce her man.

A source tells us: “She still loves George, but was afraid he was killing himself with booze and that was the start of their separation. Then came his increased moodiness and his relationship with Condoleezza Rice, which caused her to walk out more than once.”

The threat is present and clear. If Laura goes, then Bush explodes, taking the world with him.

To prevent disaster, Bush has been fitted with a LifeVest defibrillator which restarts the president’s heart should the ticking stop.

We learn that if the vest detects a life-threatening arrhythmia, it sounds an alarm and the patient presses a button that gives his heart as many as five jolts to re-start it.

It’s a good plan. And so long as the heart hasn’t stopped and the patient is alive to press the pads, its works flawlessly.

But if Bush fails to reach the button we are all doomed. And another martyr ascends…

Posted: 22nd, August 2007 | In: Uncategorized Comments (5) | TrackBack | Permalink