Anorak News | Jennifer Aniston Rows To Pitt And Jolie

Jennifer Aniston Rows To Pitt And Jolie

by | 4th, September 2007

brad_maddox_061507_02.jpgTHE Third Rule of American tabloid dictates that where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie lead Jennifer Aniston must follow. And in this week’s Enquirer, Aniston is following on a surfboard.

“BRAD GEARS UP FOR CUSTODY BATTLE!” announces the Enquirer’s front page. “His plans for the kids if they split!”

Aniston is standing up. She’s holding an oar. She’s ponting in Hawaii.

Can she get to Hollywood in time to catch Pitt should he leave Jolie? Will Brad and Ange carve up the world between them, he getting the white and Hispanic children, she the black and Asian? Will Aniston blend in?

The Enquirer’s source says that should Pitt and his lover split and should he want custody of their daughter Shiloh and should a plague of frogs not descend on Beverly Hills “she would fight tooth and nail to keep her family intact”.

Looking at the Jolie oeuvre, we suggest Pitt should watch out for the Jolie heel to the throat and for the roving UN goodwill ambassador’s bony parts, of which there are several.

But what of this home life? We learn that Maddox, Child No.1, has apparently become a little spoilt. Only a little you gasp. You shut up your mouth and shake your head.

If Maddox is to survive in the Hollywood Hills, he needs to up his game. More toys for the young master. As many grasshoppers as he can eat. A night out with Kelly Osbourne must be booked.

Against this is Brad who wants to instil a sense of discipline in young Maddox.

“Angie thinks he’s too tough on Maddox, but she seethes when Brad tries to enforce any discipline,” says the source.

And here comes Aniston. She’s ready to put her oar in…

Posted: 4th, September 2007 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer Comment | TrackBack | Permalink