Anorak News | Ross Kemp’s Gangs: Cavernous Underpants And A Nine

Ross Kemp’s Gangs: Cavernous Underpants And A Nine

by | 18th, September 2007

ross-kemp-gangs.jpgROSS Kemp is still hard. Kemp, the estranged Mr Rebekah Wade, Sun editor, is the presenter of Sky TV’s Gangs.

And today Kemp’s been given two pages to say in his own words just how hard these gangs are.

“The Mask Man reached into his underpants and pulled out a Colt .45,” leers the headline.

That’s some weapon. Kemp is impressed. Hard not to be.

In his search for hard men, Ross has met rapists, murderers and assassins. He has found himself sharing a beer with a multiple murderer.

“In St. Louis, US, I met this very big, scary guy wearing a frightening plastic mask.”

Who is the masked man? And is he hard?

“Dark, angry eyes gleamed through elongated slits that curled up and back into a teardrop shape,” says Kemp. “He looked both sinister and surreal, a figure from a horror movie involving chainsaws.”

He has a chainsaw down his pants, as well. Now that is hard. It might even be stupid.

Kemp calls this masked man Mask Man. The man in the mask reaches into “cavernous underpants” and pulls out “my nine”.

Ross is impressed. He has seen all manner of hard men. But this is something else. Mask Man works the slide and chamber and “cocked” the hammer.

“Mask Man reached down into the vast and roomy reaches of his underpants yet again and this time drew out a round block of brown heroin about the size of a pub ashtray.”

Ross considers the lump. “I’m no expert,” he says, “but I suspect this was a real bargain.”

“Your nine’s your best friend, man,” says the Mask Man’s sidekick, known as Scarf Man, for reasons that need little explanation.

He says he has “bigger toys”.

Ross Kemp is hard.

Posted: 18th, September 2007 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio Comments (8) | TrackBack | Permalink