Anorak News | Jesus is My Girlfreind: Tales of Glory And Bible Toys

Jesus is My Girlfreind: Tales of Glory And Bible Toys

by | 16th, October 2007

ANORAK’S Christmas panto – JESUS Is My Girlfriend” – is sure to be a hit with one and all. And if this year’s must-have gift is any guide, the merchandise will shift faster than Gordon Brown’s buck.

As the Guardian reports, this year’s top toy is talking Jesus action figure. From the same stable as a talking Mary and a Daniel complete with lion and den, the Tales of Glory range brings you Jesus.

Says company spokesman Josh Livingston: “The UK market is important to us because we want to reach children with the Gospel whether they live in the US or Europe or elsewhere.”

Let’s activate Jesus by the power of prayer and two AA size batteries:

Mark 12:30: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength,” says Jesus.

John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life,” says Jesus.

Jesus is made of a sturdy plastic. Use Jesus in your Toy Smackdown, pitting Bible toys in a tag-team Wrestlerama with Spiderman and Transformers. Jesus may lose an eye and an arm but he will always turn the other cheek.

Says Anorak’s man in dog collar: “Jesus is not just for Christmas, with any luck kids can change his clothes and make him look like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon.”

Press the hand and hear Jesus: “Do you wanna hear that sometimes I think about eatin’ a bullet? Huh? Well, I do! I even got a special bullet for the occasion with a hollow point, look! Make sure it blows the back of my goddamned head out and do the job right! Every single day I wake up and I think of a reason not to do it! Every single day! You know why I don’t do it? This is gonna make you laugh! You know why I don’t do it? The job! Doin’ the job! Now that’s the reason!”

The job. Always the job…

Posted: 16th, October 2007 | In: Broadsheets Comments (5) | TrackBack | Permalink