Anorak News | Bianca Reports On Paul Gazza Gascoigne’s Death

Bianca Reports On Paul Gazza Gascoigne’s Death

by | 8th, May 2008

gascoignes.jpgPAUL Gascoigne is “DEAD”.

It’s the Star’s front-page news.

And while the businessmen at White Hart Lane and St James’s Park set about creating their Gascoigne Bars and lauding the hero with commemorative shirts, cocktails and compilation DVDs, the tributes are flooding in.

Here are some entries in Anorak’s Book of Condolences:

King Harald V of Norway: We the people of Norway would like to thank Gascoigne for teaching us how to say “Fuck off”. It has proven most useful on trips to the UK and I myself have used on many occasions.

Colin Hendry: “When Gascoigne flicked the ball over my head in Euro ‘96 and scored for the bastard English little did I dream that his action would lead to me becoming the face of the Clydebank Ice-O-Rama and the body of Strachan’s Chest Freezers.

And now Bianca Gascoigne pays tribute, the reality TV starlet finally able to says that she is every bit as talented as her step-father.

In “GAZZA DEAD AND GONE FOR GOOD – BIANCA REVEALS TRAGIC TRUTH” Bianca says: ““My dad is seriously ill and it is something we are powerless to help with. We pray that he will overcome his troubles.”

Ill? Not dead. It turns out that it is not Gascoigne the man who is deceased but Gazza the plastic breasted loon, who filled mince pies with cat excrement and fed them to two of his friends, who burped at Italy, who smashed his wife in the face.

Says a “pal”: “It’s a tragedy that the old wise-cracking Gazza is no more.”

Or not…

Posted: 8th, May 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids Comments (15) | TrackBack | Permalink