Anorak News | The Top Ten Lapdancing Songs Ever

The Top Ten Lapdancing Songs Ever

by | 19th, June 2008

THE Government is advocating tough new controls on lap-dancing clubs.

No small worry for men for whom lap dancing is just about the only dancing they can do, the 21st century equivalent of the Madness moonstomp and the jive.

The Independent says 50 Labour MPs are demanding that ministers close a planning loophole that allows councils to treat the clubs in the same way as cafes.

In the Times, the unlikely named Josephine Moulds says:

Lap dancing is the ultimate tease… Only the punters are bound by the “no touching” rule. Dancers can get as close as they want, grinding into a man’s lap and simulating sex. A girl will suck her own nipples, pushing them tantalisingly close to the punter’s mouth…The whole thing lasts little more than two minutes.

For such reasons the Top 10 Lap Dancing Song Ever are all less than two minutes long. That Top 10 in full, available on Anorak Records:

I Am What I Am – Jonas Brothers (2:00)
Frank’s Wild Years – Tom Waits (1:34)
Carrie – Cliff Richard (1:59)
There’s No-One Quite Like Grandma – St. Winifred’s School Choir (1:43)
The Birdie Dance – The Tweets (1:29)
The Flight Of The Bumblebee – Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov (1min)
Tiger Feet – Mud (1:59)
Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini – Timmy Mallett (1:09)
Back Home – England World Cup Squad (2.00)
Remember You’re A Womble – The Wombles (1:37)

Bonus track:

Rabbit – Chas and Dave (That’ll be extra)

And many many more…

Posted: 19th, June 2008 | In: Broadsheets Comments (12) | TrackBack | Permalink