Anorak News | Government Pays You In Vegetables To Give Up Smoking

Government Pays You In Vegetables To Give Up Smoking

by | 21st, June 2008

cromwell-carrot.jpgTHE Government has not only been watching your every more but it has been also listening to every thing you say.

And now the Government can unveil the new plan that you the people of Britain wanted above lower taxes, cheaper petrol and better transport: smokers in Dundee will be given £115 worth of groceries to give up the evil weed.

In readiness for new legislation that will make not eating five items of fruit and vegetables a week punishable by electric shock therapy and being made to sit though back-to-back episodes of That’s Life outtakes, participants in a 12-week scheme will be given £12.50 a week by NHS Tayside if a carbon monoxide breath test proves they have not been smoking.

And lest the people of Dundee be naughty, the money will be credited onto an electronic card which cannot be used for cigarettes or alcohol.

Just like in prison.

There are 36,000 smokers in Dundee, about half of whom live in poverty, says the BBC, and with any luck one of the last things they enjoy will be taken away from them and replaced by a steamed carrot enabling them to live longer in their impoverished lives…

Posted: 21st, June 2008 | In: Politicians Comments (9) | TrackBack | Permalink