Anorak News | A GCSE In Swearing

A GCSE In Swearing

by | 30th, June 2008

SAT in the GCSE exam room the pupil is presented with the question: “Describe the room you’re sitting in.”
Answer given. Time up.

Pete Buckroyd, a chief executive in English for the Assessment and Qualifications Alliance is presented with the answer: “F*** off”. The pupil is given two marks out of a possible 27 for the expletive.

Says Buckroyd: “If it had had an exclamation mark it would have got a little bit more because it would have been showing a little bit of skill. We are trying to give higher marks to the students who show more skills.”

Times readers are really upset:

Try doing that on a job application to me thogh [sic] and the little scrote will get the bums rush off our premises – Geoff Miller, Birmingham, England

I’m with you, John Taylor. This is just further evidence that the powers that be seem to be aiming for a nation of sub Mc-job morons – Simon Webb, Swansea, UK

Morons. Scrote. The exam guidance stipulates: To gain minimum marks in English, students must demonstrate “some simple sequencing of ideas” and “some words in appropriate order”.

The Times’ message boards are not a GSCE, but they are peopled by those who have taken such a test and should be expected to perform better.

“Fuck off and die,” would, therefore, gain more than two marks. “Fuck off and die!” should get four marks.
Of course language changes and those marking this year’s GCSE in Ingl-ish should note the following additions to the swearing lexicon:

Fawcett (n) Instrument used mainly by aristocrats and male members of the Royal Family to hold their penis steady while urinating.

(“Lord Bath had one of the finest collection of antique fawcetts in the world.”)

Feltz (n) An imperial unit of weight, equivalent to 40 cwt or two imperial tons.
(“It took a crane to lift her out of the bath – she must have weighed a good five Feltz.”)

Moyle (n) A facial deformity, a cross between a mole and a boil.
(“Talk about the perfect face for radio – he’s got moyles everywhere”)

Language changes – move it with dadio or fuck!! Right!!! OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted: 30th, June 2008 | In: Broadsheets Comments (6) | TrackBack | Permalink