Anorak News | Chief Willy Bratton Of The CPF Wants Lindsay Lohan To Go Straight

Chief Willy Bratton Of The CPF Wants Lindsay Lohan To Go Straight

by | 2nd, August 2008

HANDS across the ocean as the British Celebrity Police Force exports its message to America.

There, Los Angeles police Chief William Bratton is wondering about his working day and that the paparazzi have gone quiet. Says he:

“If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving, Paris is out of town not bothering anybody, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue.”

Oh, for those halcyon days when a copper could get his picture or on the nightly news in the paper stood alongside a jobbing celebrity. But, worry not, Bratton, Paris will return, Britney will get naked and Lohan shall bottle her lesbianism and sell it as her new scent.

Says Lohan:

“Police chiefs shouldn’t get involved in everyone else’s business when it comes to their personal life. It’s inappropriate.”

But without celebrities what would the CPF have to do?


In the UK, a member of our very own CPS has written a book about his time guarding Salman Rushdie.

Ron Evans, a former police bodyguard, has penned On Her Majesty’s Service, a tome on his time as a police driver for HRH Salman Rushdie.

In the book, he claims Sir Salman was nicknamed “Scruffy” and was once locked in a cupboard because he irritated his protection officers. They then all went to the pub.

He wrote: “When they were suitably refreshed they came back and let him out.”

Rushdie is no Lohan, although from an angle he could be a Winehouse. But he will have to do until Lohan goes straight…

Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink