How To Be A Gangster, By Jacqui Smith And New Labour

DO you know how to spot is your child is in a gang? The Mirror hears Home Secretary Jacqui Smith offers her tips, and notes:

“Key indicators include…coming home late, using drugs, drawing tags on books, wearing bandanas, using strange slang or hand signals, cutting themselves off from the family and having extra cash.”

Let’s consider the evidence:

Coming Home Late:

Alone, like Jacqui Smith.

Accompanied, like Jacqui Smith.

Taking Drugs

Like Jacqui Smith.

Tagging:

Like Gordon Brown.

But during a recent examination they noticed that the beautifully-carved government Dispatch Box was covered in strange black pen marks. At the next Prime Ministers Questions they stood watch, and caught the culprit in the act. As Gordon Brown gesticulated wildly with his black marker pen, stabbing at the papers in front of him and missing to hit the wood beneath, the awful truth was clear. The PM was the vandal.

Wearing a bandana:

Like Silvio Berlusconi.

Strange slang

As John Prescott might have put it, integratardly.

Hand signals

Like Tony Blair.

Cutting family ties:

Robin Cook, RIP.

Extra cash:

Show
Me
The
Money

Look out for the signs that your younster is turning into a villain…

Anorak