Anorak News | Litvinenko Fails To Shine At The Eurovision Dance Contest

Litvinenko Fails To Shine At The Eurovision Dance Contest

by | 6th, September 2008

RING! Ring! “Hi, Graham Norton, it’s your agent. This Saturday night it’s the Eurovision Dance Contest and we want you to present.

“You need to introduce the UK to the panel of Barbara Nagode Ambroz and Bert Traut without laughing or waving a phallus. You free?”

No shock to learn that Norton is available. And so too is Claudia Winkleman, who has come dressed as a fifteen year old at a private members’ club, or an extra on Babestation.

Are your ready for 14 acts doing Chico Time in various states of frenzy? This is endurance telly. This is the Eurovison Dance Contest. As Nietzsche wrote, there is no feast without a tragedy.

Says the blurb: “Welcome to the 2008 Eurovision Dance Contest! The 14 couples are ready to rock – or should we say dance?”

Or goose-step. After all this is not the first Eurovision dance contest, it’s been tried before.

First up are Sweden’s Danny Saucedo (doing an impression of a human clock, in digital) and a spangly Jeanette Carlsson, who seem to be dancing to the music in their heads, and the voices.

Austria’s Dorian Steidl appears dressed in a beige macintosh, moving with all the grace of a peeping tom getting his tom caught in his fly.

The Finnish pair do a tango. Both came dressed as oranges, but lacked fizz. Although given the nylon contest on “Mikko’s” trousers, it was no small mercy that he and the literally brilliant Maria did not catch fire.

The pressure cooker of Saturday night telly is not place for shrinking violets, or ultra-violets. And here comes Holland’s Thomas Berge with an uber alles haircut and a “show dance”.

Thomas sang the last bars to I’m Lovin’ Angele Insteeeeeeead.

Len Goodman, fresh from the Strictly Come Dancing interface, thought Thomas had nice hair, on his head. (“Never trust a man with a sequinned tattoo, that’s what I say.”)

The big shocker of the night, though, is the arrival of Russia’s Alexander Litvinenko, partnered with one Tatiana Navka. If anyone can put the Finns in the ade it’s Litvinenko. But Mr 210 failed to shine.

And the winner? Well, ballroom dancing is the winner. As ever…

Posted: 6th, September 2008 | In: TV & Radio Comments (3) | TrackBack | Permalink