Anorak News | On The Sofa With Jordan’s Off-Cuts

On The Sofa With Jordan’s Off-Cuts

by | 25th, September 2008

CHANTELLE Houghton is a Big Brother housemate emeritus.

And now the Big Brother fanzine known as the Daily Star brings front-page news: “MY MARRIAGE WAS A BIG BROTHER FAKE.”

Chantelle, a woman comprised of Jordan’s rendered off-cuts – bits of Jordan are pressed together and piled onto Chanelle in the manner of chicken fillets onto a shish kebab – is on the telly with Piers Morgan in his show The Dark Side Of Fame.

Says she:

“A month after we were married Preston told me: ‘I knew I didn’t want to marry you on our wedding day’. It was weird on the day. He was pulling silly faces when we took our vows. He took the pee. I tried to keep a straight face but I thought he was being weird.”

Such innocence. And all brought to life through the pages of OK!, the Star’s sister organ, which featured the do, and told us:

Preston cheekily tapped his watch to indicate a lengthy wait… Then best man Matthew Powers says: “I have never seen one of you without the other and not a smile on your faces.”

Now with Jordan getting smaller and Chantelle by rites every large, the now former Mrs Preston appears to tell us:

“After he told me that he never wanted to marry me, we did interviews where we told everyone how happy we were. I lied about being happy.”

Many do. But if the contract demands it, then why not?

But Piers Morgan does not do fakery. He demands truth.

Says he:

“I am shocked. This is every bride’s nightmare being told your husband never wanted to marry you in the first place.”

After the celebrity wedding, who needs the celebrity divorce and the celebrity reveals?

In other Chanelle news. The Sun says:

The Big Brother party babe’s boobs were pouring over the top of her tight dress at London’s Funky Buddha last night. It’s possible Chantelle still hasn’t updated her pre-bust op wardrobe.

Hey, anything’s possible, so long as it’s own in the best possible taste…

Chantelle Houghton Marries Preston
It’s A Fake
Invitation To A Beheading

Posted: 25th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids Comments (7) | TrackBack | Permalink