Anorak News | Maureen Lipman Toxicology Report

Maureen Lipman Toxicology Report

by | 24th, November 2008

ANORAK overhears a phone call between Maureen Lipman (police codename ‘Bettie’) and ‘Antony’, her grandson. Maureen says she has taken LSD and cannabis. Over:

BEATTIE: Antony, congratulation on your test results

ANTONY: Grandma, I passed.

BEATTIE: Passed? Whadyermean passed?

ANTONY: “I mean I passed: hair test, blood test, urine test, breath test, schizophrenia, piss artistry, touching my nose… I passed.

BEATTIE: You didn’t fail anything?

ANTONY: They found some glue on my text book.

BEATTIE: Glue… Very useful. People will always need to mend plates. Anything else..?

ANTONY: Toxicology.

BEATTIE: An ology. He gets an ology and he says he’s passed?!

You get an oplogy you’re a home scientist, coking up crack in your home laboratory…

You know the testers are in the wrong. You know the tests are not perfect…

Ends. Sound of boots on pavement…

Posted: 24th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities Comments (5) | TrackBack | Permalink