Anorak News | Nicola McLean Employs The Danielle Lloyd Defence In Trial As The New Kerry Katona

Nicola McLean Employs The Danielle Lloyd Defence In Trial As The New Kerry Katona

by | 5th, December 2008

NICOLA McLean and her Jordans are out of the Celebrity jungle and winding down, literally, in an Australian hotel. Is she the new Kerry Katona?

What next for Skippy gonad nosher Nicola? Can roo gonads be frozen and placed into an Iceland pie? Would they impove the texture?

First up, Nicola has to read her “hate mail” and tell Star readers:

“Others wrote ‘cover up you slag’ and some said I was a bully.”

As is the way with any celebrity accused of bullying, the accused should explain at great length that they were bullied at school:

“I was bullied at primary school quite badly. So I would never bully anyone.”

This is know as the Danielle Lloyd defence. Rather than picking up tricks from the bullies, the celebrity avoids such tactics. The celebrity understands. It is snookered Nicola’s escape shot. It is named in honour of Danielle Lloyd who was privy to some tag-team bullying on Big Brother. Nicola knows.

“Those people in the jungle might be cleverer than me but not smarter up to than me.”

Up top, Nicola is brimming with talent. There are suggestions that she has been tutored by Messers Nip ‘n’ Tuck and been copying from Jordan’s extensive work. But Nicola is, mostly, her own woman.

So what next?

“I’d love to do a counselling course and maybe work for children’s charities.”

Topless counselling might well catch on. And what deprived kiddie would not want to abseil down Nicola’s rock hard chest?

And after that, when the job is done, Nicola can sit in her home and know that a good job has been done. Anorak has stared into our crystal ball and obtained exclusive footage of McLean as she will be. Keen watchers will remember the Kerry Katona squirrel.

We now share the vision with you (NSFW)…

Posted: 5th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink