Anorak News | Those Newspaper Equations In Full: The Perfect Orgasm Formula

Those Newspaper Equations In Full: The Perfect Orgasm Formula

by | 16th, December 2008


BOFFINS at the University of Wisconsin have come up with a sexy new formula – for the perfect orgasm. The equation reads: X = (D+KY)^2/sin(PG-1) (where X = ecstasy, P = penetration, G = G spot, D = Dale Winton, K = Kleenex and Y = yoghurt)

AS Ben says:

Meanwhile my frighteningly anal chums at the blog have performed quantitative analysis on this question, by doggedly documenting every single equation story to appear in the Telegraph, a serious paper that covers science properly. Their finds include such important breakthroughs in the field of mathematical modelling as: The Perfect Sitcom (quality = (rd+v)f÷a+s) to promote UKTV Gold; The Perfect Joke (x = (fl + no)/p) to promote some comedian; The Perfect Day (quality = O + NS + Cpm÷T + He) to promote ice cream; The Perfect Rugby Kick (KP = CSP – s + w + r + yn + cr + sc + mt + xn + ctw), which somehow has something to do with a research company called Qinetiq; The Perfect Marriage (some guy); The Perfect Chip (Tesco); The Perfect Football Penalty (odds of scoring = (X + Y + S)×(T + I + 2B)÷8 + V÷2 – 1) for, oh, Ladbrokes; How To Open Champagne (P = T÷4.5 + 1) (Marks and Spencer); The Perfect Place To Shop (D=f(m,b,c)), Yellow pages; The Perfect Newspaper (it’s the Telegraph, heh); How To Pour Gravy: (amount of gravy = (W – D÷S) ÷ D × 100) mmm Bisto; The Perfect Biscuit (where the formula was deemed to complicated for Telegraph readers, and was “half funded by the Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs and half by United Biscuits”); and many, many more.

Them’s the facts…

Posted: 16th, December 2008 | In: Reviews Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink