Anorak News | Snow Orange: Peter Andre and Jordan’s Christmas Panto

Snow Orange: Peter Andre and Jordan’s Christmas Panto

by | 17th, December 2008

IT’S panto time in the Jordan-Andre household – Oh, yes it is! – and OK! readers get to play along and guess which panto the happy gamily are putting on. Is it..?

Pussy in boots
Jack and the acorn
Snow Orange
Dick Whittington

While you work that one out, OK! brings news that Katy and Peter will soon be leaving us for life in a “gated community with Britney Spears”. It’s like a celebrity cage fight, in which the protagonists are painted in easy-to-see orange and thus made visible day and night.

Oh yes it is!

Here comes Pete now. No need for Rudolph as Pete’s neon nose, eyelids, cheeks, torso and teeth light the way ahead. Peter’s dressed up as Santa Claus.

He dips into his sack and pulls out a…”24-carat gold iPod encrusted in Swarovski crystals”. It’s not easy finding something shiner than Pete, but he might just have cracked it.

New lamps for old!

Pete has also bought Jordan two Versace watches and a leather wedding ring. Does she know where that it?

Behind you!

“It’s in my cup cake bag,” she replies.

Oh no it isn’t!

“Right oh,” says Pete. “Right-toe.”

“Right tit, more like,” says Jordan.

Behind you!

Then a flashback. Jordan remembers Christmas past. She got a Sindy doll and a big Sindy house and shiny Sindy boyfriend. Did it shape her life in any way, and shape her body, face and career?

Pete recalls hopping around in green Kermit The Frog romper suit. He changed into it after school. His age at the time is not given. Pete’s dads cut it up into bits. It’s one of Pete’s “worst childhood memories.”

Booo! Hissss! Gerrofff!

Pete says he’s lost a lot of weight.

Oh not you haven’t!

He then says he’d like to be shaving sex and be “finished at the stroke of midnight. That would be perfect. That would be the most amazing feeling.”

Bong! Bong! Run, Cinders! Run!

Picture the scene. Says Katie:

“My brother is having a fancy dress party. I might go as Danger Mouse.”


Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?

Posted: 17th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink