Anorak News | Britain’s Got Casualties: Those Millies Awards In Full

Britain’s Got Casualties: Those Millies Awards In Full

by | 18th, December 2008

IN the Sun’s edition of Britain’s Got Casualties, the paper presents its Millies to the military’s most deserving victims of the War on Terror.

(Image: Beau B D’Or Website)

Anorak had been lobbying for Sergeant John to win the True Grit Award, but that went to Captain Simon Cupples. We had voted and voted and voted. But no.

In showing such contempt for the popular will, the Millies judges were only taking their lead from ministers and officials.

“We did it,” says “proud” Prince Charles as he mingles with the best of British who have served their country well and been rewarded by a chance to meet Ross Kemp, the nation’s leading pretend soldier.

Ross, who has seen action as a demented Falklands vet in EastEnders and a shoot-em-up loon in Ultimate Force, was a judge on the show. Says he:

“I’m very proud to have been involved in this.”


“Arms, Arms. Arms. When holding your weapon keep your arms still and the elbow cocked at 30 degrees. But not bad and I give LCpl Ben Parkinson a… seven!”

Over two pages the Sun salutes Our Boys and Girls who did so much to make us feel proud. The Roll Of Honour follows:

Terry, John – Overcoming Adversity. John saw action on the field of Moscow, losing along with many friends and mercenaries, and shedding a tear or several for his fallen dreams of a win bonus.

“All I do is kick a ball. The brave men and women of our Armed Forces are my heroes”

Stevens, Rachel – Special recognition. Formerly of the S Club 7 cadets, Stevens demands recognition in a succession of shot shorts and very short shorts. Her work in the Latin American arena is especially impressive.

“The people here are your unsung heroes. Forget telly. These are genuine stars”

Forsyth, Bruce – Life Saver Award. A five-year tour of duty has seen Bruce saved many a lost soul, overseeing the rescue of the likes of Lisa Snowdon, Matt Dawson and remembering the contents of Bob Monkhouse’s lost joke book.

“Days after day on the front line with no one knowing your name. That’s bravery”

Burke, Alexandra – Best Recruit. The Force’s sweetheart’s CD features Burke reading the lyrics to Search For A Hero to the sound of rapped gunfire from human beatbox DJ XPlode. A fitting dedication to the forgettable “X” soldiers who gave so much for your right to sit on a sofa in front of the TV.

“I’m proud to be here and incredibly proud of these people”

Hammond, Richard – Best Armed Forces Animal.

“You can’t imagine the professionalism and bravery of these chaps and lasses as a civvie”

Daly, Tess – Best Unit.

“Tonight, by honouring a few, we recognise them all”

Beckham, David – Most Outstanding Airman. For his unstinting support of the cross—Atlantic flight path and aerodynamic balls.

“What you have done is amazing”

The evening ends with the signing of the Millies hymn: Awake My Soul And With The Sun:

Awake, my soul, and with the sun
thy daily stage of duty run;
shake off dull sloth, and joyful rise
to pay thy morning sacrifice.

(Just 30p!)

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Posted: 18th, December 2008 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink