Anorak News | Jonathan Ross Gives 80 Year Old Women Hope, Brand Works On Average

Jonathan Ross Gives 80 Year Old Women Hope, Brand Works On Average

by | 25th, January 2009

IF JONATHAN Ross wants to have sex with 80-year-old women then that is his right. So argue many Anorak readers who wake up this morning with a new skip in the Zimmer.

The NOTW says:

The mega-bucks star’s crude joke about sex with an 80-year-old woman infuriated listeners.

If the News of the Screws calls it crude it must be revolting. NOTW readers have no need to imagine how disgusting Ross penetrating an octogenarian sounds as the papers sound effects team have created an MP3 version with the aid of custard cream biscuits, a sink plunger and the Coronation Street intro.

The Mail says the lucky lay-dee has not been named. She could be anyone of countless old dears. But the NOTW knows:

And last night as it emerged that the woman is a REAL PERSON with ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE.

Life cannot be cruller. Not only does Woman A shag a top telly celebrity, but she then forgets all about it, or worse, confuses Ross with Terry Wogan. For shame!

Meanwhile, the paper also reports that Russell Brand has been shagging three women a day in an effort to bring his mean age up.

Asked how many girls he sleeps with a month, Brand bragged: “Work out how many days and, here’s a simple rule, TRIPLE it!”

Then add the sum of the ages together – et voila! – you have Brand sleeping with women well into their Sixties, Seventies, and even a centurion.

Des O’Connor is 132.

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Posted: 25th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink