Anorak News | Nancy Pelosi Accepts Role As Contraceptive Device

Nancy Pelosi Accepts Role As Contraceptive Device

by | 26th, January 2009

NANCY Pelosi advocates a “stimulus” package for contraception. Her face will from September 2009, be used to stimulate a crisis of confidence in men and women of breeding age.

Black vans will patrol neighbourhoods of high birth rates and low incomes and beam a holographic image of Nancy into the night skies, down alleys, into cars and wherever people are copulating.

A megaphone will blurt out at all hours of the day and night:

“Before pregnancy Nancy Pelosi looked like this (picture of nubile young woman) and now after five children – Nancy Corinne, Christine, Jacqueline, Paul, and Alexandra – as well as seven grandchildren she looks like this.”

Then the clincher: “Nancy Pelosi is 15.”

In schools, adolescents will be encouraged to masturbate frequently and take classes in premature ejaculation (see poster of the young Pelosi). Pelosi, a Catholic school graduate, will seek out predatory priests and get them to scare the kidz off sex by a series of one-on-one sessions.

All hot water will be turned off, boys will be issued with a regulation sponge and collecting vial (with calibrated targets) and girls… Well, women don’t like sex anyhow, do they Nancy, so they will all become lesbians, nuns, Democrat party congress women or anti-global warming activists.

Advert breaks in football matches will be reduced to 11 seconds. And a new sex education book will teach students that to have really good sex you must first ingest handfuls of cat fur and nail polish, a truism backed up by a big online porn drive.

Says Pelosi:

The exchange:

The revelation came during an exchange Sunday morning on ABC’s THIS WEEK.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Hundreds of millions of dollars to expand family planning services. How is that stimulus?

PELOSI: Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children’s health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs. One of those – one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception, will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government.

STEPHANOPOULOS: So no apologies for that?

PELOSI: No apologies. No. we have to deal with the consequences of the downturn in our economy.

Lights fade. Mood music. Sound of muffled sobbing…

Say What, Speaker Pelosi?
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Maybe it’s all that talk about “stimulus”
Kids are Free! Who Knew?
That’s Probably It
Pelosi’s Inane Rant of the Day
Cheaper to kill ‘em than to pay for them
Pelosi: Contraception is Good Stimulus for the Economy

Posted: 26th, January 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians Comments (4) | TrackBack | Permalink