Anorak News | Lily Allen Watch: In The Bed Of The Beast The One-Eyed Man Is King

Lily Allen Watch: In The Bed Of The Beast The One-Eyed Man Is King

by | 29th, January 2009

IN today’s Lily Allen Watch, the UK’s foremost jobbing celebrity will spice up a slow news day by telling Sun readers:

“My lovers are terrified of me.”

Why’s that then, Lily?

LILY ALLEN has found fame and fortune with her talent for writing biting pop songs about ex boyfriends. Her new album features a track called Not Fair, in which she refers to an ex being rubbish between the sheets.

She sings: “There’s just one thing that’s getting in the way/When we go up to bed you’re just no good/It’s such a shame/I look into your eyes, I want to get to know you/And then you make this noise and it’s apparent it’s all over.”

So it comes as no surprise that these days Lily’s boyfriends are careful how they treat her.

What noise they make, Lily does not reveal. But we imagine it to be something like a goat being force fed the content of the Argos jewellery display and then falling into an unset orange jelly.

Says Lily Allen:

“Now guys are really nice when they’re breaking up with me because they don’t want to end up on a song. Five years ago, before I was famous, I’d go on a date and guys would never call me again. Now it’s different. None of my songs are fictional, they’re all real.”

Considering Lily’s lovers is to tap into a rich vein of creativity.

“It’s funny because my boyfriends have gone up in terms of age and how much money they make. LESTER (LLOYD, her first proper boyfriend) was 20 and had no money, SEB (CHEW, a record company exec) was 30 and had a bit more, ED (SIMONS, of the CHEMICAL BROTHERS) was 40 and had a bit more and Jay is nearly 50.

“That means the next one’s probably gonna be 60. I like them old… and rich.”

And deaf. As you age your senses dull. So what of her next Mr Wrong?

And will she get into politics, or will politics get into her?

“I quite fancy Boris Johnson, even though he’s a Tory. He’s very funny and charming.”

Gordon or Dave?

“It’s not like I tried to commit suicide but I was in a pretty bad way. I felt like I couldn’t go on living like I was living.”


“I like Gordon Brown actually. Gordon or Cameron? I’d say Gordon.”

He’s blind in one eye, you know…

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Posted: 29th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink