Anorak News | Gordon Brown Says Jade Goody Can Consummate Marriage With Jack

Gordon Brown Says Jade Goody Can Consummate Marriage With Jack

by | 20th, February 2009

THE Ministry of Justice has ruled that Jade Goody’s fiance Jack Tweed must have his curfew conditions relaxed to allow him to spend his wedding night with her.

Big Brother is watching. Big Brother says Jade must be treated well. Big Brother is suckling at the celebrity nipple.

Oh, have a heart. Jade’s ill. And Jack’s got a tag from playing golf with a teenager’s person.

These are “exceptional” circumstances. The Ministry of Justice spokesman says Justice Secretary Jack Straw has “enormous sympathy” for Goody and her family: “She has shown extraordinary courage and our thoughts are with her.”

Justice is not blind and deaf. Justice is reading heat magazine and gossiping in the toilets.

Says Max Clifford, the couple’s publicist:

“We are absolutely thrilled. It will be the dream finish to her dream day, and it makes so much difference. Our heartfelt thanks from Jade and from Jack for allowing him to stay the evening in these very special circumstances.”

Reports are that Gordon Brown is bringing out an apocrypha to his book on Courage, featuring chapters on Jade Goody, Kate McCann, Cheryl Cole, his good friends Barack Obama and Bono.

Says Gordon Brown:

“In these trying times, of difficult circumstance, it is importance we rally together, which is why I will be supporting Jade Goody’s plans for a wedding and honeymoon. As one part of the Lennon and McCartney of cancer relief, I endorse the fine work of Girls Aloud, a group of young women I am delighted to call friends, and their tribute to Jade.

“I call upon all here present to wish Jade well and…”

Continues for as long as Jade lives.

2008: Gordon Brown’s Non Celebrity Celebrity Year

Posted: 20th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (4) | TrackBack | Permalink