Anorak News | Peta’s Ingrid Newkirk Barbecues Her Dead Thumb Up Michael Schumacher’s Arse

Peta’s Ingrid Newkirk Barbecues Her Dead Thumb Up Michael Schumacher’s Arse

by | 23rd, February 2009

THE will of Ingrid Newkirk, president of PETA – the people who put the words in the horse’s mouth – says her body should be used “in a manner that draws attention to needless animal suffering and exploitation.”

Ingrid Newkirk will be covered in aspic, tied to a small train-like contraption and sent around the now, sadly, emptied Walthamstow greyhound track forever, or until Michael Schumacher catches her.

Says Ingrid:

a. That the “meat” of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbecue, to remind the world that the meat of a corpse is all flesh, regardless of whether it comes from a human being or another animal, and that flesh foods are not needed.

As vital in death as she was in life.

b. That my skin, or a portion thereof, be removed and made into leather products, such as purses, to remind the world that human skin and the skin of other animals is the same and that neither is “fabric” nor needed.

See Donatella Versace.

c. my feet be removed and umbrella stands or other ornamentation be made from them, as a reminder of the depravity of killing innocent animals, such as elephants, in order that we might use their body parts for household items and decorations;

Do no barbecue first.

d. That one of my eyes be removed, mounted, and delivered to the administrator of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency as a reminder that PETA will continue to be watching the agency until it stops poisoning and torturing animals.

Mounted on a stick. And sucked.

e. That my pointing finger be delivered to Kenneth Feld, owner of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, or to a circus museum to stand as the “Greatest Accusation on Earth” on behalf of the countless elephants, lions, tigers, bears, and other animals who have been kidnapped from their families and removed from their homelands

With or without arse attached?

f. That my liver be vacuum-packed and shipped, in whole or in part, to France, to there be used in a public appeal to persuade shoppers not to support the vile practice of force-feeding geese and ducks for foie gras.

Would the French eat Americans? What about if they were covered in cheese? Stuffed?

g. That one of my ears be removed, mounted, and sent to the Canadian Parliament to assist them in hearing, for the first time perhaps, the screams of the seals, bears, raccoons, foxes, and minks bludgeoned, trapped, and sometimes skinned alive for their pelts.

Hairy ears.

h. That one of my thumbs be removed, mounted upwards on a plaque, and sent to the person or institution that, in the year of my death or thereabouts, PETA decides has done the most to promote alternatives to the use and abuse of animals in any area of their exploitation.

Thumbs up.

i. That one of my thumbs be mounted in a downward position and sent to the person or institution that, in the year of my death or thereabouts, has gone against the changing tide of societal opinion and frightened and hurt animals in some egregious manner.

Thumbs down.

j. That a little part of my heart be buried near the racetrack at Hockenheim, preferably near the Ferrari pits, where Michael Shumacher raced in and won the German Grand Prix

British motor racing fans, agree.

And you thought Peta was useless.

Posted: 23rd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True Comments (16) | TrackBack | Permalink