Anorak News | Comic Relief Celebrity Cull: Cheryl Cole To Murder Intellectual Ashley, Coleen Nolan Down

Comic Relief Celebrity Cull: Cheryl Cole To Murder Intellectual Ashley, Coleen Nolan Down

by | 8th, March 2009

COMIC Relief Does The Celebrity Cull: Killer Cheryl Cole, Coleen Nolan down And Party Palmer’s Desk Rage.

The story so far: The EU Celebrity Mountain is too high to sustain. Some celebrities must die or be retired. Dancing On Ice has put the plan into action:

Daily Mirror: “Coleen Nolan vows broken wrist won’t keep her off the ice”.

And now Comic Relief steps in. The charity do for BBC stars will reduce the mountain. Day 5:

Digital Spy: Comic Relief on The Apprentice.

“The People claims that the incident will be watered down in the show’s final cut – because producers want the Comic Relief special to be “light-hearted”.

A source told the newspaper: “Viewers will be amazed to see Patsy blow her top. But what they won’t see is her hurling a table in anger. It almost came into contact with the others, including Carol.”

Sunday People: “Wife Cheryl at peak”

Their blog went on: “Cheryl for one has already said she’s never done anything so mentally and physically demanding. A temperature of minus 15 and air so thin your lungs positively burn with disappointment every time you take a breath means you can’t stop long.”

Daily Mirror: “WOR SUMMIT”

EXCLUSIVE Furious Cheryl reaches African peak then rushes back to UK for showdown with shamed Ashley

Cheryl Cole was hit by storms as she conquered Mount Kilimanjaro yesterday… and now flies home to give shamed husband Ashley a blast of his own.

A cold wind blows…

Exhausted and frozen to the bone, Geordie Cheryl, 25, and eight other members of the Comic Relief mountaineering team, saw four of their tents blown away after reaching the 19,300ft summit.

A Comic Relief source said: “The conditions on the summit were so bad the climbers only paused briefly to have pictures taken. Then they retreated to a nearby campsite where they were supposed to spend Saturday evening.

“Conditions were too treacherous and they had to start their descent two hours later.
It took enormous courage and stamina to start walking again so soon after a nine-hour climb.”


Ashley Cole was quizzed about his bedtime secrets by a blonde clubber on the night he was arrested, The People can reveal.

She asked married Cole: “What do you do in bed when Cheryl isn’t there?” The revelation flies in the face of claims Cole and the mystery beauty were having “an intellectual conversation“.

Well, um, I’m over the moon, to be honest, and as sick as a hairdresser.

An insider said: “She was firing off perfectly reasonable questions about Cheryl and Ashley wasn’t for one moment trying to hit on her. But all of a sudden she started to ask quite saucy questions.

“Ashley’s only mistake was not to see where the conversation was heading.

And Ash?

Sometimes he’s a little too naive for his own good.”

Or not. James Clench in the Sun:

The multi-millionaire Chelsea ace — nicknamed Cashley and on £82,000 a week — threatened to sue The Sun for aggravated damages if we published pictures showing him beside a beautiful blonde.

And a source close to the 28-year-old England left back insisted he and the beauty had been engaged in “an intellectual conversation”.

Daily Mirror: “Whatever pain Cheryl is in now, it’s nothing to the pain Ashley will be in when she gets home.”

The cull continues…

Day 4

Day 3

Day 2

Day 1

Big Brother Housemates: The Cull Begins

Celebrity Cull: Suzanne Shaw Wields Blade On Dancing On Ice

Dancing On Ice: Celebrity Cull Moves To Families

Death Cooled Down: Roxanne Cheats Death On Dancing On Ice

Image: The Guardian

Posted: 8th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink