Anorak News | Jade Goody’s Last Coffin

Jade Goody’s Last Coffin

by | 29th, March 2009

JADE Goody: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Jade Goody’s post-reality career, with Jade’s coffin, Henry VIII and Australia…

The People: “Jade Goody coffin picture plot – Warped ghouls have been trying to get pictures of Jade Goody’s BODY in her coffin so they can sell them.”

Dis-gus-ting. (If you do have them, send them to us and we will publish them, tastefully.)
The monstrous plot echoes the evil attempts to make cash from pictures of Princess Diana dying in a car crash in Paris 12 years ago.

Echo… Like in a tunnel?

Max Clifford says:

“I’m aware that someone is trying to see if they can obtain a picture of Jade. It is a disgusting thought and I’d be astonished and horrified if such an image was taken and touted around for whatever purpose.” What about if it’s for the boys? “Jack and Jackiey will be heartbroken to learn that someone was even contemplating such a despicable action.”


Did you get a picture, Adrian Butler?

Jade Goody’s heartbroken grandfather gave her a final kiss and declared: “She looked like Sleeping Beauty.”

Oh, yes she does. Anyone else see a panto?

Times: “Stand still, wimp – only failures run off to be expats – Stay where you are and face the music, even if it’s the gristly, gooey sound of your fingernails coming out”

And you know what? Yes it’s cold. Yes it’s run by idiots. And yes, I wasn’t bothered about Jade Goody either. But at least we don’t throw our donkeys off tower blocks and we don’t cook our food in the garden. And because it’s always 57 degrees and drizzling, we are less inclined to sit outside all day getting sloshed.

News Of The World: “Jeff takes his boys to Australia – Final wish saves Jade Goody’s sons from upset”

THE heartbroken sons of tragic Jade Goody are going to Australia with their dad to escape next Saturday’s funeral. Caring Jeff Brazier, 29, is taking Bobby, five, and Freddie, four, away on Monday for three weeks.
“To say the boys are excited is the understatement of the year. They keep saying, ‘Daddy, when are we going, when can we see the kangaroos?’ Jeff knows how much they loved their mother but he feels they need to get right away from the media glare. You can’t get much further away than Australia.”


REGIONAL books of condolence are to be placed around the country to cater for the huge number of people who want to pay their last respects to Jade Goody. Hundreds of mourning fans and well-wishers have already descended on the little church in Essex where Jade’s funeral is to take place on Saturday, to add their names to the existing book of condolence.

The Times: “Brenda Power: Everyone reading this is going to die, so get over it – Nuala O’Faolain’s outspoken bitterness when confronted with terminal cancer was no less courageous than Jade Goody’s dippy stoicism”

The Guardian: “The viewers wanted Jade, not Ken. But can you vote for news?”

Peter Preston:

The BBC, in its wisdom, leads TV and radio bulletins with news of Jade Goody’s death. Not OK!, comes a sour chorus of listener discontent. Too much like the Sun! But hang on, says Peter Horrocks, head of the newsroom. They had minute-by-minute traffic figures from the BBC website that Sunday night, figures way above normal – and fuelled by interest in Jade’s death. Why not give licence payers what they clearly wanted rather than an eight-hour-old yarn about Ken Clarke’s “aspirations” over inheritance tax?

It’s a fiendish little question, when you think about it. The BBC puts out a careful mix of consensus news because it needs to serve as many viewers as it can. Jade Goody – even across the posher end of the press – stirred sympathy, debate and interest (whereas Ken’s aspirations, clarified and reclarified, stir only shrugs).

And the Sun, riding a wave of Goody emotion, surged past the Times, Guardian and Telegraph to news website supremacy last month.

So Horrocks clearly has a good case. But can he then (like the Daily Telegraph’s net supremo) use website numbers to define what’s news for him and thus for us? As I write,’s top three most popular tales are: 1 Call for a higher circumcision rate; 2 Sixty-foot penis painted on roof; 3 Therapists offer gay “treatment”. You can’t always have your Bun and eat it.

The Independent: “Culture: The Citizen Kane of reality TV, By Toby Young”

Power to the Reaple!

“If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine,” said Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars – and the same appears to be true of Jade Goody. In the pipeline so far are two rival biographies, a coffee-table book, a two-part television retrospective and, the trustees of her estate suggest, a fully fledged biopic.

Daily Telegraph: “Is David Starkey the reincarnation of Henry VIII? – Like Henry VIII – who took to the throne 500 years ago next month – TV’s most irascible historian Dr David Starkey had an “idyllic childhood”, was raised in a household dominated by women, and showed signs of greatness at an early age. The difference? “Obviously, Henry didn’t go gay…””

His mother died.

“It’s a subject I prefer not to talk about,” his voice changes, breaking slightly. But it’s clear from the way you write about Henry that you understand his pain, I venture. He pauses, gathering himself. “Oh yes, I was older but she still died comparatively young, she died barely 70. And I was 32. It was very horrible…” He coughs, pauses, closes his eyes then drops his voice to a whisper. “Very horrible.” Then he snaps back into the room, smiles briefly and adds, in his familiar, firm tone: “The idea of the death à la [Jade] Goody is not one I’m sympathetic to, I’m afraid.”

Jade Goody – coming to a theatre near you…

Image: Monkish

Posted: 29th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (3) | TrackBack | Permalink