Anorak News | United Airlines Makes Fat Bastards Pay More

United Airlines Makes Fat Bastards Pay More

by | 16th, April 2009

UNITED Airlines is to charge obese passengers extra to fly on their craft.

The Huffington Post asks: “WHAT DO YOU THINK: POLL.”

Asking Americans if they think fat people should be taxed for being so gargantuan is like asking a turkey if he thinks the Pilgrim Fathers were good for his kind.

The poll is more loaded than George Bush at a frat party. The only response to

Should Overweight Passengers Have To Buy Two Seats?

Is No. Overweight passengers should pay for three seats – two for their buttocks and one for the poor sod who has to sit next to them.

Better yet, the obese should be made to share one seat, and then only after they’ve spent the flight racing round the cabin to the music, stopping only when the music stops and one seat is removed. The fun continues until only one fat person has a seat.

That three-point plan for lifting off the pounds:

1. Oxygen masks made to fit only slim faces. The fat will be then be culled in the event of crash and their bodies used to feed and heat the survivors, and their clothes used as refugee tents. Fat people’s navels make excellent bivouacs.

2. In the event of a cash landing, the fat will be prodded with electric stun guns and thus encouraged to make their way towards the “impact zone” and provide an “air bag” for the others.

3. Fat people will be encouraged to loose weight by being sat alongside a bearded swathy man who is mumbling in Arabic and playing with the heel of his shoes while sipping drinks from a baby bottle.

Prepare to take off…

The Ryanair Rules: Coin-Operated Oxygen And Mullah Seating

Posted: 16th, April 2009 | In: Money Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink