Anorak News | Talking Dirty Makes You Impotent

Talking Dirty Makes You Impotent

by | 20th, April 2009

talking-dirty-makes-you-impotentGENNADY Cheurin of the Russian town of Yekaterinburg, research manager of the Center of Ecological Safety, says talking dirty leads to impotence.

Says he:

“Men were allowed to use these words only 16 days a year. Afterwards, it was strictly prohibited to use them. So whenever men use these sacred words for no reason in their daily life, this immediately leads to sexual dysfunctions, i.e. impotence. If a woman uses these words in her daily speech, she slowly begins transforming into a man.”

In the interests of science, Old Mr Anorak has reduced his dose of “Fishermen’s Friends” and conducted en experiment, thus creating a table of virility. Counting down, or, rather, up from, least to most enhancing:

10. Jonathan Ross reading the Shipping Forecast
9. Anthea Turner running her nails down a blackboard
8. A Hollywood accent
7. Britney Spears discussing her motivation
6. Cliff Richard singing Living Doll
5. John Prescott eating crisps
4. Germany
3. Your mother shouting “Cooeee, I’m home”
2. The conquest giving pet names to her genital crabs

And the ultimate way to become aroused during sex:

1. Her saying “The snooker starts in a minute”.

Now for that research in full:

The scientists had first expressed their anger in a string of oaths (directed at a water jar). It was later used to water wheat seeds. “As a result, only 48% of those seeds that have been watered with “aggressive obscenities” sprouted. Among those seeds that have been watered with “mild foul language” only 53% sprouted. Among those seeds that have been watered with holy water, 93% sprouted. It is hard to imagine what human body must go through each time we swear,” noted the scientist.

Answer: catharsis.

Posted: 20th, April 2009 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink