Anorak News | Kerry Katona Teaches Aliens About Coke

Kerry Katona Teaches Aliens About Coke

by | 29th, April 2009

katona-jobSTOP Press: Kerry Katona tells OK! readers that she’s giving up the celebrity life.

Cue OK!’s first foray into the employment agency game:


OK! magazine is looking for a new blonde to fill its pages with scenes from her life in the Argos jewellery display case.

Problem is that Kerry Katona “doesn’t want to be famous anymore”, which means OK! exhuming Jade or getting Lily Allen to write a column.

Says Kerry:

“I could never do a normal job. The press won’t let me do it. Could I say: ‘Look, here’s my resignation. I don’t want to be a celebrity any more?”

Well, no, that would only be publicising yourself further. Better perhaps, to sack your agent, let the MTV contract run out and go and live somewhere where you won’t be noticed, like London, Warrington or a remote part of Northern Ireland.

And when the press do call, pretend you’re not in.

And when you speak to the Oxford Union, try not to tell them:

“I sat on the bed and said, ‘Mark, I’m an alien’ – and I really thought I was an alien. I didn’t brush my teeth for a week. It’s part of my personality.”

(Max – get Colgate on the phone.)

But it’s just impossible to stop being famous when you’re Kerry Katona who since quitting her OK! column has been in OK! every week.

OK! proves the point of Kerry’s problem by dressing Kerry up as a toilet cleaner, a chip shop wallah, a barmaid and a school teacher.

Uyou go for it, Kerry. But what’s that. Miss Kerry is stood in front of a blackboard with a chalk drawing for “coke” on it; “keeping them behind  behind afer school to do lines  when needs be”.

She might be right – there might be no escaping Kerry being Kerry.

Unless, as we say, Lily Allen wants to stand in…

Posted: 29th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink