Anorak News | Gordon Brown Joins Orangemen March

Gordon Brown Joins Orangemen March

by | 11th, May 2009

gordon-brown-tan-chartIN “PM MAKE-UP SECRETS LOST IN TAXI BY AIDE”, Sun readers learn that Gordon Brown takes the shine off things with a dusting of
terracotta Guerlain. And puts the shine back on by way of an illuminating foam.

It is often said that politics is showbusiness for ugly people, but politicians are now routinely better looking than showbiz types. We like our singers frumpy and plain and our politicians fit and shagable. Susan Boyle or Caroline Flint? What was Tony Blair but a better looking Cliff Richard?

Whereas once we had Neil Kinnock appearing in a Tracy Ullman video, we now get celebs sucking up to Barack Obama.

The Sun says Gordon Brown uses “concealer” to smooth out facial bumps and blemishes and applies a smearing of Clinique super balanced make-up.

Says a No10 spokesman:

“The bag was accidentally left by a junior member of staff. We thank The Sun for returning it. The PM, like everyone on TV, is required to wear make-up.”

Indeed, Brown is not the first to put a face on to meet the great unwashed.

Between 1999 and 2005, Tony Blair spent in excess of £1,800 of taxpayers’ money on cosmetics and make-up artists.

It cost £3,683 to keep former Tory leader Michael Howard in make-up.

Former LibDem leader Charles Kennedy spent £1,580 on the services of a make-up artiste and £273 on a portable make-up kit.

But this seems modest compared with Irish premier and Marcel Marceau impersonator Bertie Ahern who had, reportedly, spent more than £115,000 on his appearance between 1997 and 2005.

Anorak has plotted major news events against the use of make-up and notes that when times are good, Brown uses less make–up and so elicits a sense of pity and trust in the man with no time for the fripperies of sunshine and rest as he toils to keep things good.

In the bad times, Brown wears more make-up than a blind clown, making the electorate wonder what it is he knows and hoping that if we keep him in power he will share this esoteric, health-giving knowledge with us?

Readers should look out for Brown on holiday this summer, walking the mist-swept highlands of Scotland, his brilliant teeth shining forth from a mahogany-hued face, as he looks like a mobile upright piano playing a happy, happy, HAPPY tune…

Posted: 11th, May 2009 | In: Politicians Comment | TrackBack | Permalink