Anorak News | Five Ways Andy Murray Can Win Wimbledon

Five Ways Andy Murray Can Win Wimbledon

by | 20th, June 2009

andy-murrayWITH Rafael Nadal out and Cliff Richard muted by the rain-proof roof over Wimbledon’s Centre Court, Andy Murray is edging closer to the Wimbledon title, this nation’s first since Harvey Templeton-Peck won it on horseback in 1786.

But what can we do to help Murray win the day? It’s pretty clear that what stands between Murray and a chance to introduce the ballgirls to the Dukd of Kent is Roger Federer, all flicky hair and too-close together eyes of Swiss precision.

Anorak delivers our Top Five Tips for Murray Success.

Kipling Test

The doyennes of the All England Club can introduce their much-vaunted Kipling Test – can Roger Federer recite all the verses he passes on the walk from changing room to court? If he can’t he’s out. It’s all about standards, dear boy.

The Blonde

With her long blonde hair, longer legs and over-sized sunglasses Andy Murray’s girlfriend is the ultimate in court-side chic. So says the Mail, which gives a heads up to cameramen looking to fill those frequent breaks in play and moments before and after a big point with a hot of a blonde. Kim Sears fits the bill. And if she can keep Murray lean and hungry his hope can only be increased.

Murray Maniacs

The Murray Maniacs are a chippier, less HRT-fed lot than the Henmanics, Tim Henman’s band of sectioned supporters. But they do have one advantage: less letters means lee T-shirts and less time spent organising people to stand in line to spell out their hero’s name when the valuable minutes could be spent chanting. Murr-eeee fits neatly with the Timm-eeee call, but Anorak suggests a twist and shortening Murray to Muzz, so creating the Muzz Buzz, a slow hissing fizz that at moments of tension causes Federer to believe he is under attack from angry wasps.

The System

The introduction of the esoteric Duckworth Lewis System has made one-day cricket a lottery. With just a few games played, the onset of rain or failing light could see Federer needing to win 17 games in a row inside 34 minutes.

Scotland Expects

Hiring the Scottish football team to Train Murray, thus ensuring the Muzz never hits a ball into the net no matter how hard he tries.

Come on, Murray!

Posted: 20th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink