Anorak News | Inside Michael Jackson’s New Neverland Theme Park

Inside Michael Jackson’s New Neverland Theme Park

by | 3rd, July 2009

jackson-neverlandMICHAEL Jackson’s Neverland Ranch is to be turned into a theme park. The old rides are gone and the news rides are being installed. Anorak brings you an exclusive look inside:

The Ten Best Things To See And Do at the Neverland Theme Park

Nemesis – Face your Nemesis. This intense ride takes you through shopping malls as an animatronic Martin Bashir asks you questions. Will you break it – or will it break you?

The Hit Parade – Walk down Main Street USA and listen as the people scream “Paedo!” and “Weirdo!” As you walk, yellow squares in the road light up. Tread on the wrong squares and fall into the Gary Glitter Bargain Bucket. Tread on the right squares and the world dances with you.

Oblivion – Face your fears. You know you shouldn’t look down, but you won’t be able to stop yourself taking a peek at the colossal vertical drop from the highs of Thriller to the lows of the Brit Awards.

Hall of Wax – Wander though the Hall of Wax and experience Michael Jackson in his many guises. The tour ends in the Hot Wax Surgery where you can buy supple balls of molten wax and make your own Wacko Jacko.

Leave Me Alone! – Something for mum and dad. Sit junior on Jackson’s knee and try to win big cash prizes. Sit the child wrongly and junior comes away with only a cherished memory. Sit him or her on the ‘Thriller’, and – Kapow! – money pours from Jackson’s orifices like sweat off a doctor’s brow.

On The Wall – Have your face digitally entered into that famous picture of Jackson at Liza Minelli’s wedding to David Gest. Hang it over a radiator or open fire and have everyone think you’re melting.

It’s A Small World After All – Take a DNA test and see if you are Michael Jackson’s child. Since Jackson died we are now each of us no more than Five Degrees Separated from Michael Jackson. Fact.

I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles – Sing-a-long with a millions Jackson look-alikes – one may even be him!

I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.
They fly so high,
Nearly reach the sky,
Then like my dreams,
They fade and die.
Fortune’s always hiding,
I’ve looked everywhere,
I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.

Jesus Juice Bar – Take holy communion over an injection of Jesus Juice in the Jesus Juice Bar.

Where’s Jacko? – As you wonder about Neverland look out for Michael Jackson. Jackson can appear as a small boy, a confused teen, a man-child or even a 20-year-dead  masked mummy lying in a four-poster bed propped up on back issues of Melody Maker.

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Posted: 3rd, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink