Anorak News | Modern Delights: The Joy Of The Celebrity Death

Modern Delights: The Joy Of The Celebrity Death

by | 7th, September 2009

3919433A NEW book, Modern Delight, has asked 80 celebrities to reveal what makes them glow inside. Gyles Brandreth has made the news by admitting that he gets a kick from the death of his friends. A dead celebrity is thing of joy:

“They must be older than me, of course or, if younger, only slightly so. I am not talking here of the deaths of children or the young. Or of soldiers killed in action … I am talking about the delight of opening the morning paper and turning to the obituaries and seeing the face of a near-contemporary who has just snuffed it and being able to say to my wife, ‘Do you see old so-and-so’s gone?'”

Old Mr Anorak was asked to submit his secret delights and noted that his chief delight was not being asked to submit pieces to charity books, followed by sliding on a shoe and having to pull the lace out from under his socked foot, Germany scoring against England at football (a delight shared by every jobbing sports hack) and Jermy Kyle intoducing “the genius” Graham to give free televised therapy to the TV abused.

Brandreth’s delight is known to many. It often begins, “Do you remember…?

The speaker on seeing the audience shake their head and blank stare tells them that of course they remember so-and so. This goes on until the audience says “Oh yes”, preferably adding a “How are they?

At which point the please seeker speaks says: “They died.”

Please comes free.

Other Modern Delights:

John Sergeant – killing your catch

“It is perhaps a terrible admission, but I do take a delight in pulling a fish onto a boat and killing it with one or two fierce blows… We fishermen, particularly those as amateurish as myself, speak gently of enticing, of luring and finally of landing a catch. We are not brutal killers; we are simply harvesters of the sea.”

Tim Rice – mowing

“Mowing lawns, well my lawn anyway, is a true delight. Nature’s crew cut. Highly satisfactory horticulturally, geometrically, physically, intellectually, emotionally. A green issue I can support wholeheartedly. The quality of the job done is immediately apparent – no hiding place for the mower or the mowed.”

Joan Bakewell – motorway service stations

“Streams, hills and valleys are obvious. It takes real concentration to enjoy the mundane.

“All these voyagers travelling to the familiar or the uknown. Uprooted and on the way to a new future: is the mum dusting crumbs from her overcrowded lap longing for a deckchair at the beach? Are workmen with bellies bulging over slung belts and tucking into heaped beans and sausages helping build some monster of glass and steel? Will the young waif ever make it to her imagined lover or have to skulk back to anxious parents? Hopes and fears cloy the air, masked by petty squabbles, heaped trays and jammed cash machines. Look twice at the ordinary and you can see it clothed in light.”

David Starkey – dissent

“Dissent. It’s daring to be different and taking the less trodden path. Sometimes, the path leads to immediate delight, as in Japan when I ventured beyond the recommended route and entered a magical world of fern forests, wood-built villages and solitude. Sometimes, straying brings mockery and rejection. But still there’s the compensatory delight of having chosen for yourself and not followed the herd.”

Bill Nighy – eating?

“Rain at night from a decent-sized train. Waiting for an Americano. A cafe run with real commitment. A career waiter. Prescription shades. Blossom in the spring. Waterloo Bridge after opening night. A woman with no handbag. Stevie Wonder on harmonica. Chelsea Bridge Pie Stall. Teddy Sheringham three moves ahead. David Beckham and Paul Scholes’ strategy for corners. James Brown doing the splits.”

Wendy Cope – sudoku

“Of course, they are a terrible waste of time. But I believe it is important to have a few things in my life that I do purely for pleasure. Killer Sudoku won’t improve me and it won’t get me anywhere. It just helps me to enjoy my life.”

Oh, and one more modern delight-  failing to recognise celebs in celebrity organs. Who?

Posted: 7th, September 2009 | In: Reviews Comments (3) | TrackBack | Permalink