Anorak News | Michael Jackson’s Cured Cancer, Says Speech Debelle

Michael Jackson’s Cured Cancer, Says Speech Debelle

by | 14th, September 2009

7786737SPEECH Debelle has won the Mercury Music Prize, and with the glory comes an increased risk that her music will be called “important” by someone wearing a post-modern fringe and the star will start talking in the knowledge that more than the pigeons and the sound engineer are listening to her.

Speech Debelle is speaking:

“Jesus went around preaching the gospel and touching people to make the blind see and making lepers better. Michael Jackson’s gone around the world and done that … apparently, I don’t know if this is true, there were kids around him who had cancer that didn’t have cancer any more.”

Before you write [Insert joke about touching hems here], know that Speech Debelle does not know if Michael Jackson touched the healed, but if the heeled touched him? That’s the kind of thing courtroom experts spend their lives agonising over.

The other options are chiefly that the children inhaled Jackson, and his essence cured them of cancer – whispers are the he was partial to a cup of Paris Hilton’s eponymous scent, Just Me. Or that he would grated bits of his nose into a tincture and have them paint it on their morning cornflakes.

Speech Debelle should asks Officer La Toya Jackson to investigate the claims. And if buying her next latest single will cure cancer, if being what Jackson would have wanted.

Meanwhile the world makes do with Chris de Burgh

Posted: 14th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink