Anorak News | Brad Pitt’s Life Of Hell, Beer, Wine, Beards And Chips

Brad Pitt’s Life Of Hell, Beer, Wine, Beards And Chips

by | 6th, October 2009

brad-pitt1IN this week’s National Enquirer, news that Angelina Jolie is “DESTROYING” Brad Pitt, Justin Timberlake’s Rihanna-Biel “LOVE TRIANGLE” and “HOW NICOLE RICHIE LOST 14LBS IN 7 DAYS.”

Brad And Angelina En France:

News is that “BRAD’S FALLING APART”. He’s “bloated” and haggard” as he endures a “life of hell” with Angelina Jolie. He’s losing his looks and it’s “crushing his spirit.”

You can see just how crushed Brad is as he tours a Syrian camp for dispossessed Iraqis on his and Angelina’s Little Donkey Tour of the Middle East.

That’s Brad Pitt with the “unkempt Colonel Sanders-style beard”, the tatty chin with bits of chicken fat, coleslaw and gristle in the creases.

That beard keeps getting longer to hide Brad’s tall stack of chins. Can the chin hair grow in step with his chins? It’s the big talking point.

Meanwhile, back at the chateau, a game of hide and seek is being enacted:

“Brad’s answer to these problems has been to hide away with a bottle of wine and some beer, which is easy for him because the chateau is enormous and he can slip to the other side of the property and stay there for days on end. He’ll find himself some French cheese and meats and grab some olives, chips and other greasy goods. Then he washes it down with bottle after bottle of expensive wine and super-strong European beer, which is his favourite.”

It is a living hell.

Justin Timberlake, Rihanna and Jessica Biel

Rihanna’s people say that Justin Timberlake must end it with Jessica Biel if he is to have any chance to dating Rihanna, who Justin is not dating but might if he drops Jessica Biel.

Only if Timberlake stops dating Biel can he even think of dating Rihanna.

And what foes for Rihanna, goes too for Kirstie Alley, Madonna, Helen Shapiro, Sarah ‘Fergie’ Ferguson and Cheryl Cole…

Perspective With Mary Jo Eustace, Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling

Mary Jo has a new book out. It’s called Divorce Sucks. In it she speaks of her ex-husband Dean McDermott and how he and Tori hooked up:

“I guess I always knew that after the years of mini bombs, one day there would be a big, fat Hiroshima.”

After that, Mary Jo gathers herself to talk of a picture she saw of Tori with her legs raised about a prone Dean. And she delivers the bombshell:

“I will never feel the same way about cowboy boots again.”

And you thought there was only one way to think about cowboy boots.

Nicole Richie Slims Down

Did you know that Nicole Richie lost 14 pounds – in weight! -after giving birth to a baby that weighed 7lbs 14oz. Add on the attachments and the water and the breast feeding and the miracle is not that Richie lost weight but that she had any weight left to lose…

Posted: 6th, October 2009 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink