Anorak News | X Factor Live Blog: Jedward Doomed And Danyl Johnson Is Beaten By Hitler

X Factor Live Blog: Jedward Doomed And Danyl Johnson Is Beaten By Hitler

by | 1st, November 2009

x-factor5IT’S Rock Week on the X Factor, in which TV viewers get stuck between rock and the hard place that is finding something else to watch on another channel.

Cheryl Cole is wearing Mickey Mouse’s ears on her chest and telling Joe he’s going “all the way”.

Joe McElderry sings Don’t Stop Believin’, by Journey, whish is casue fo Louis Walsh to say:derry

“Don’t stop believin’ Joe, I think you’re going to make it to the final!”

Lucie Jones arrives and sings Sweet Child O’ Mine in the style of a young girl singing Guns ‘N Roses. Since this is how it is supposed to be sung, Lucie has done well. Tonight’s winner.

Danyl Johnson is weeping. Someone said he was less liked than Hitler. He should not worry. Hitler is wildly popular in some areas of the country, like Oldham. If he can crack the Home Counties – although, not he leafier parts of Surrey, obviously – he can still make it. Cheryl Cole, who what with the Mickey Mouse outfit, the husband and the tears could do a one-woman version of Steamboat Willy, tells Danyl, who has crooned I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing, by Aerosmith.

“I wanted to see you come out after a tough week, Rachel was in the bottom two for the first two weeks and she came out fighting – that’s kinda what I was hoping to see from you. You do it well, you do it every week but you just don’t do it for me.”

She’s so earnest. There is every chance that Cheryl Cole believes that what she says matters. This is worrying. She is there for her primary sexual characteristics. And dimples. Simon Cowell, who pretty much owns Cole’s factory-pressed career, steps in:

“It’s nothing to do with being in the bottom two. If you read headlines all week saying you’re the most hated contestant, it’s bound to affect you. I don’t what it is with you, last week you said he was too cocky and when he tries to calm it down you say he’s not cocky (the crowd cheer him on). Let’s be honest here, Danyl you are still probably the best singer in this entire competition.”

He is the best singer. He is also a better singer and dancer than Cheryl Cole.

Then non-dancing, non-singing Lloyd Daniels arrives- oh, for a twin Lloyd. Blame your parents. See if Adam Rickitt wants the job. And get a random vowel in your name, quick smart. Daniiel. Much better. Lloyd sings I Kissed A Girl, by Katy Perry. It’s not ironic. It’s a boast, and a bit of a shock, if we’re honest.

Daniel could do worse than kiss Stacey Solomon. She’s up next with Somewhere Only We Know, by Keane. Stacey is genuinely likeable. Should win.

Jamie sings Get Your Rocks Off, the Primal Scream staple. He has big hair. Huge hair. His huge hair doesn’t go with his face. He looks like an accountant in a Halloween wig.

Rachel Adedeji did well last week. But now she stands still and moves her hand in the way boybands do when they are “grabbing the moon” and taking it home to their mum. She sings One, by U2, the band fronted by Mr G9, Bono. Anyone singing his songs might be accused of blasphemy.

Rachel ends by kissing her hand and gifting the kiss to the crowd. She is blessing them. She has taken Bono to her heart.

It’s Halloween, so here are John & Edward, also know as Jedward, which sound a bit like Deadwood. They are styled as two lesbians. They are not nearly terrible enough. They need to be truly dire if they are to win. This was a let down.

It’s Olly Murs, the man who sounds like a contagion.

He signs Come Together , the Aerosmith version of The Beatles tune. It is awful. At the end he rips open his t shirt. He is wearing a poppy. People have been shot for less. Where’s your respect. That internet poster who prefers Hitler to Danyl Johnson will be outraged. Simon Cowell says he is proud of him.

John & Edward or Jamie are out.

Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (22) | TrackBack | Permalink