Anorak News | In Pictures: Tiger Woods’ Text Messages To Jaimee Grubbs

In Pictures: Tiger Woods’ Text Messages To Jaimee Grubbs

by | 10th, December 2009

tiger-woods-elinTIGER Woods: So sorry is Jaimee Grubbs for hurting Elin Nordegren that she hold’s her phone to the air and let’s everyone see the sexy texts Elin’s husband sent her. Touching stuff. And it is informative. What do you say to a billionaire golfer? What does a billionaire golfer say to Las Vegas waitress? Let’s see in Anorak’s GCSE Guide To Sexting The Woods:

Module 1: Adressing The Woods

Jaimee: I drove out for the night to surprise a friend with a friend with a present for there birthday
Tiger: what kind of present your naked body

Teacher’s Note: In this message Jaimee mistakes “there” for “their”. Tiger also manages to imply that Jaimee sleeps around.

Conclusion: Good spelling need not be a barrier to having sex with golfers.

Module 2: Man Of Letters

Tiger: quiet and secretively we will always be together
Tiger: when was the last time you got laid

Teacher’s Note: Poetry and poignancy. If Tiger wasn’t a golfer he’d make a great vicar, offering thoughts for the day.

Conclusion: So this is what gofer’s think about between greens.

Module 3: The Id And The Ego

Jaimee: i only watch football
Tiger: figured you would say that. Big black guys
Jaimee: u are my first, last and only black guy! You should feel special
Tiger: i’m bone thugs in harmony

Teacher’s note: Football is American football. Not all American footballers are big black guys, it just might be that’s all Woods sees when he tunes in, or all he wants to see.
Conclusion: Woods has issues about golf. His behaviour may be part of his role as an ambassador for golf. Hey, golfers can shag around and behave like idiots too, you know!

Module 4: Family Matters

Tiger: don’t text me back till tomorrow morning. I have to many people around me right now

Message: Tiger can’t spell either.

Conclusion: Tiger needs two phones.

Module 5: The Inner Child

Jaimee: i apprecaite u not wanting to wake me up but if u couldn’t sleep I would rather have sat up and talked to u more…find out why I keep falling more and more for you ; )
Tiger: because I’m blasian : )
Jaimee: come back : (

Teacher’s note: I can’t spell but I can use emoticons. People who use emoticons who are not pre-teen girls have self-esteem issues.

Conclusion: Explain if Woods’ ring-tone offers any clues to his behaviour?

In tomorrow’s class Jaimee’s tale us what she learnt from Rebecca Loos…


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Devon James

Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports Comment | TrackBack | Permalink