Tiger Woods: Using Gillette Gets You Laid And Other Tiger Woods Endorsements

TIGER Woods has been dropped by Accenture, and Gillette has announced it won’t use Woods’ name for an indefinite period.

Gillette isn’t thinking. Woods advertises shaving products to men for whom shaving is a novelty. Gillette has been cursed of late. Had their brand ambassador Thierry Henry not shaved his palms, Ireland would be going to the World Cup and not the French handball team. There are rumours of Roger Federer, the third Gillette shaving legend, growing a huge beard.

But back to the idea that Gillette is missing a chance.

Men turned on by new shaving weaponry – three blades; fours blades; a canteen of cutlery on a vibrating bayonet – are young and impressionable. They are brand fluid. They are also shaving because they want to be attractive and have sex like their heroes. And who is getting more sex than Tiger Woods? The message is clear: using Gillette gets your laid. Watch those blades fly off the shelves.

Anorak now gives others who have used Tiger Woods to endorse their product a clue on how to proceed:

Nike says: “Nike supports Tiger and his family. Our relationship remains unchanged.” Nike’s slogan “Just Do It” is perfect for Mrs Woods. Here’s Elin Nordegren dressed in Nike and ready to wield a golf club at her husband’s balls (insert visual joke here). The Ryder Cup wives can be in the background screaming “Just Do It”.

Gatorade says: “Tiger and his family have our support as they work through this private matter. Our partnership continues.” The Gatorade slogan is… “Is It In You?” Gatorade is for jocks and men. Keep the slogan. Have Tiger ask it of a waitress with a smutty grin.

Electronic Arts Inc says: “Our strong relationship with Tiger for more than a decade remains unchanged. We respect Tiger’s privacy, we wish him a fast recovery and we look forward to seeing him back on the golf course.” EA makes computer games. Get Tiger Woods to play his brand of après Golf in Active More Workouts. Make exercise fun, people.

Laser eye care company TLC Vision Corp says: “Tiger Woods is important to TLC Vision. Our relationship with him continues without change. This is a private matter and we have no further comment.” Replace Woods with a shadowy, out-of-focus shot of Holly Sampson and Tiger’s women and you’re in business.

David Sokol, CEO of Berkshire Hathaway’s NetJets Inc, a private jet hire company, says: “Tiger Woods is one of the premiere athletes in the world and we are proud to have him involved with NetJets.” Here’ Tiger sat in his jet sipping a drink as a golf club strikes the shatter-proof glass to no avail.

AT&T Inc – A keen text message user like Tiger Woods is perfect for At&T. Stay in touch.

Tag Heuer’s slogan is “Don’t crack under pressure. Tiger is pictured alongside a cracked SUV window. He’s looking at his watch and smiling ruefully.

Upper Deck sells signed sporting memorabilia. Asks yourself this: what’s the thing Tiger Woods will be most memorable for in, say, 20 years from now?

Tiger Woods may endorse products for car safety, glass, stress relief and more. As the Accenture advert says: “It’s what you do next that counts.”