Anorak News | Susan Boyle Lives Off £200 A Week As ‘Burglars’ Attack Home

Susan Boyle Lives Off £200 A Week As ‘Burglars’ Attack Home

by | 27th, December 2009

8086823SUSAN Boyle is in an “intruder alert”. It is thought the intruder is recovering in rehab. But what of The People’s front-page horror story?

Singer Susan Boyle has had a panic alarm fitted at her home after finding intruders in her garden.

Susan Boyle is used to having intruders camped outside her front door, voyeurs armed with cameras who think little of debasing her with calls of “Show us your wiggle, SuBo” and other name calling and sick catcalls. But to have intruders in her back garden is news, indeed. Who were they? BBC gardeners? Tabloid reporters? The People knows:

Burglars target SuBo’s semi

We know they were burglars because…?

The shocked star, known as SuBo, discovered two strangers peering into a back window as she watched telly at 11pm. The pair fled in fright when Scottish spinster Susan pulled back the curtains to confront them.

You’d run too. SuBoo! But again, how did we know they were burglars and not stargazers? Did she call the police?

Her elder brother Gerry said: “I hate to think what might have happened if they had broken into the house when she was on her own. They could have had knives on them or anything.”

Plastic surgeons? Amanda Holden will be gutted?

“Susan rang me to tell me she’d had intruders like it was an everyday occurrence. She hadn’t mentioned the incident to anyone or even reported it to the police.”

So why mention it now? And in case any burglars or souvenir hunters are tuning in, Gerry says:

“People will think because she is about to become very rich she’ll have all kinds of valuables scattered around the house. But the truth is there is nothing in there worth stealing. Not a jot… The only thing she would be heartbroken to lose is her cat.”

The cat, eh… But catnappers beware:

And now she has had the panic alarm installed which connects straight through to local police and her management team.

That’s right. If you break in now you will have to contend with a visit from Simon Cowell’s crack management team. Be afraid. And wonder about this from Gerry:

“She is still living off a £200 a week allowance which she uses for food and bills…”

Susan Boyle gets £200 a week pocket money? Well, that’s what her family thinks. Meanwhile, Susan Boyle pulls down a surgical stocking, strips off her frump suit and opens the portal to her underground mansion. And laughs harder and harder and harder…

Susan Boyle Secret Picture Gallery

Posted: 27th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink