Anorak News | Cheryl Cole Breaks Haitians Hearts And Introduces Zac Efron

Cheryl Cole Breaks Haitians Hearts And Introduces Zac Efron

by | 23rd, February 2010

zac_efron-cheryl-coleCHERYL Cole insiders were said to be delighted that talk of her divorce from Ashley Cole has distracted from her singing.

Ashley Cole’s Women (Alleged)

While men wonder when Cheryl will facilitate a revenge shag , sources say that with Ashley Cole being portrayed as the personification of undiluted evil, no-one is talking about Cheryl’s lip-synching, tattoos or turning the Brits into the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party.

On the downside, Haiti has been overshadowed by cataclysmic events in Surrey. However, one TV reporter did tell us:

“Thank **** for Ashley Cole. Do you how hard it is to get a hotel and a decent cold drink in Port au Prince? And I was lucky. One colleague was sent to Dubai to make John Terry look like a saint.

Ashley Cole’s Women (Alleged)

The plan is now for Cheryl to bang out a single and hope that everyone buys it as a sign of how much the country loves her. If she was ever going to get a chat show, an OBE and range of leggings, the chance is now. Says a top marketing expert:

“If we can convince the public that by buying any old tat with Cheryl on it can make the nation’s sweetheart feel better, we will. The plan is to say that Zac Efron thinks Chelsy is OK and create a huge global buzz about them dating. The dream is for Cheryl to crack America without her ever having to sing.

“So long as we can remain focused on her victim status and what a terrible man Ashley is, Chezza can clean up.”

More to follow…

Ashley Cole’s Women (Alleged)

Posted: 23rd, February 2010 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink