Anorak News | In Pictures: Miley Cyrus Twitters About Being Real

In Pictures: Miley Cyrus Twitters About Being Real

by | 16th, March 2010

MILEY Cyrus is growing up and telling teens that posting images of yourself grinding a chair on Twitter or dressed in your bra and knickers is so last year. Sure it worked for Miley but it will not work for you. It will harm you. Don’t be normal – be deep like Miley.

Teenagers need to grow the hell up and stop using the internet. They need to be more like Miley Cyrus who is no longer using the internet to tell us about her life but talking to real journalists using real pens they whittled from The Mayflower to tell us how right she’s got things.

Miley Cyrus (NSFW)

Kids – you need to get away from the web and go out to the street and buy a real magazine to read about Miley. You may get run over by a bus on the way, but it would be a real bus driven by a real driver and not a virtual one controlled by a 15-year-old jockstrap model with a Wii who’s actually a middle-aged man in a paedo holding bay in Rhyl.

You need paper pictures of Miley you can stick on your bedroom ceiling.

Says Miley:

I was kind of, like, tired of telling everyone what I’m doing. I hate when I read things and celebrities are complaining like, ‘I have no personal life.’ I’m like, well that’s because you write everything that you’re doing. So I was that person who was like, ‘I’m so sad. I have no real, normal life, everyone knows what I’m doing.’ And I’m like, well that’s my own fault because I’m telling everyone. And then I’d tweet, ‘I’m here,’ and I’d wonder why a thousand fans are outside the restaurant. Well, hello, I just told them. So I’m just, like, kind of thinking doesn’t really make a lot of sense. Everything I’m saying is not really going with what I’m putting on the internet.”

She’s right. You need to out it on paper. Go on:

“I’m a lot less on my phone, I’m a little bit more social. I have a lot more real friends as opposed to friends who are on the internet who I’m talking to — which is like not cool, not safe, not fun and most likely not real.”

Real life is much safer than the internet. It’s a fact.

Miley Cyrus (NSFW)

“I feel like I hang out with my friends and they’re so busy taking pictures of what they’re doing and putting them on Facebook that they’re not really enjoying what they’re doing. You’re going to look back and have a million pictures, but you’re not going to be in any of them.”

Get a real photographer people.

“I’m telling kids, don’t go on the internet, it’s dangerous, it’s not fun, it wastes your life, and you should be outside playing sports or something.”

Play tennis. Hit a ball against wall. Back it comes. Hit the ball. Back it comes. Hit the ball. The internet is rubbish for a hitting ball against. Try watching the telly instead. Miley is on the TV. The telly is much more wholesome. Or do as Miley does and open a shop or conduct some interviews, perhaps in a hotel room with a friend playing the role of publicist and changing your outfit and having your hair done.

If you’re stuck for a talking point, tell everyone how crap the internet so assuring that your thoughts get lots of coverage on the internet.

And we all read it and feel terrible and wonder how long it will be before Miley fronts Why Don’t You – The Movie?

Miley Cyrus (NSFW)

Posted: 16th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | TrackBack | Permalink