Anorak News | Britain’s Got Talent Is For Mum And Dad’s Dead Ambitions

Britain’s Got Talent Is For Mum And Dad’s Dead Ambitions

by | 19th, April 2010

BRITAIN’S Got Talent was once a simple contest. Monarchists vied to perform for the Queen. And we tuned in. Then Susan Boyle failed to win and everyone wanted to be like her and, er, not win the show. The latest talent to wear the mantle of “Boyle Wannabe” is
Chloe Hickinbottom.

Boyle. Hinkinsbottom. When Ivor Catheter get t he guts to sing, we’ll have a Dickensian Gang Show.

Having crooned and warbled her way through White Cliffs of Dover, the song made famous by Vera Lynn, and thereby secured the granny vote, Hinkinbottom says:

“Now I’ve got through I can show off my voice more… I’d really like to be a professional singer like Mariah Carey or Susan Boyle.”

A singer like them or famous like them? Does a 10-year-old girl dream of being a hairy angel? Says she:

“Louis’s comments were amazing. I just couldn’t believe he said that I was the best act from today and when they were all standing up I felt just like crying.

“When I ran off the stage it felt like it was a dream… I didn’t know what to do!”

While Chloe wonders about where we will meet her again, we look at Kieran Gaffney. He plays the drums. As he played, Piers Morgan nodded. Simon Cowell flashed his neon whites. And Amanda Holden attempted to move her face. Better luck next year, Mandy. But – wait a moment – that was last year.

Kieran Gaffney is back. In the last months, Kieran has formed a band with his mum and dad. And they are dire. In fact, they look like they’ve not practiced at all and it’s all just a ploy to get Kieran to go solo and let his talent shine. You remember the mop man and the Michael Jackson dancers of Signature. Well, mum and dad are wringing a tune out of the mop.

Kieran needs mum and dad. Just as Chloe needs her grandpa’s record collection. Susan Boyle needed her dead mum. Britain’s Got Talent is Britain’s Got Parents it wants to make proud. Get a load of the grin on the mum of Amanda Holden’s face arranger. It’s positively fixed…

Posted: 19th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio Comment | TrackBack | Permalink