Anorak News | World Cup: Annoying, Monotone England Emulate The Vuvuzela

World Cup: Annoying, Monotone England Emulate The Vuvuzela

by | 19th, June 2010

ENGLAND draw 0-0 with the mighty Algerians in the dullest, most annoying, monotone game of the World Cup so far. England are dancing to the tune of the Vuvuzela. AGW sees the way ahead – and we need Victoria Beckham now more than ever:

IN-GER-LAND, in a bold new master plan, will be at Soweto’s Calabash big bash.
Hidden among the 95,000 spectators .

A miffed Football Association is outraged:

It is unacceptable,” said an FA spokesman. “It is disgraceful to contemplate the Ing-er-land team will not be at yet another World Cup Final. Thankfully there was no serious harm done with last night’s excellent draw with that unknown North African side, but we will be complaining to Fifa about the FA’s decision to appoint Manager Coach Capello. Something must done…

“London Transport are said to have an excellent range of second-user coaches.”

England must beat Slovenia, top of Group C after drawing with the USA if they are to reach the knock-out phase.

There is no hint they can make any viable attempt to do so.

Team Coach Fabio Capello has a master plan to solve the conundrum of getting an English presence at the World Cup final. The entire team are this morning being given emergency vuvuzela lessons in a last ditch bid to ensure they achieve the total mediocrity they so obviously crave.

In an incredible new twist, ageing WAG Victoria Beckham has written a new England Opus for the monotone droning instruments. The new mock-hymnal ‘Victoria’s Plum Duff’ is said to be an omni-tone work ideal for the instruments’ limited range.

“David was a stunning inspiration,” said the fragrant Victoria, “the climactic last crescendo ‘Total Balls Up’, following the stunning second movement ‘Benched’ is a fitting tribute to his FA ambassador career move.”

“The England team shall go to the ball and will use their unique dullard skills to blend into the crowd at the 2010 World Cup Final,” a rejuvenated and excited England Italian team coach said.


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England's Wayne Rooney shows his dejection after the final whistle

Posted: 19th, June 2010 | In: Sports Comment | TrackBack | Permalink