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Anorak News | Kerry Katona Goes Snorkelling For Pakistani Orphans In Marbella

Kerry Katona Goes Snorkelling For Pakistani Orphans In Marbella

by | 24th, August 2010

KERRY Katona will now tell OK! readers about her fifth child. As the headline states:

“KERRY SPEAKS ONLY TO OK! ABOUT HER FIFTH CHILD”

The Star and its sister organ OK! have tapped into a rich vein of news we call the Maybe Baby. First Katie Price declared she was not pregnant. Then Abbey Clancy declared, via a source, that she might get pregnant one day. And now mum-of-four Kerry Katona wants to tell us about the child she has yet to conceive in anything but her dreams.

This is “HER SHOCKING NEWS”.

We meet Kerry in Marbella, where she’s being squirted by two young children in swimsuits. One is chubby and a bit ginger. The other is blonde and thinner. Chances are their guns are full of vegetable dye (Swede/Carrot No.6 Blend). Kerry is orangey-brown stood on her tip-toes.

So, here’s Kerry stood by a swimming pool being fired at by water pistols and “talking about the thousand of children who have been orphaned in the wake of the floods in Pakistan”. This is sensitive stuff, readers.

Before Kerry heads to a water park and shoots down the Slide Of Terror, she tells us that she is “considering adopting an orphan”.

Says Kerry, with those terrible floods on her mind:

“We went on a Sunseeker and we got pulled along in rubber doughnuts, then we all jumped in the sea and did some snorkelling.”

Anorak will pass on Kerry’s good wishes and snorkelling tips to those Pakistanis who live in fear of drowning.

Tip 1: Get a boat
Tip 2: Breathe

And then one page on is a truly odd picture in which Kerry talks about flirting and spooning a man in bed (surely ladling them? – ed) while stood next to the blonder daughter. Both wear swimsuits and strike the kind of saucy pose that used to illustrate Top of The Pops LPs.

Kerry then tells us that she is “highly sexed” and “would like someone for a good old shag”. Then the girls all jump into a rubber ring…

Room for one more? The orphans of Pakistan await Kerry’s answer…

katonaiceland

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Posted: 24th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink