Anorak News | Nuclear Sub HMS Astute Defeated By Sand: Blame Cut Backs And Camilla

Nuclear Sub HMS Astute Defeated By Sand: Blame Cut Backs And Camilla

by | 23rd, October 2010

HMS Astute runs aground off the Isle of Skye. Here’s what happened:

When the Ministry of Defence starts its massive cuts programme in the new year it is unlikely to be too concerned about the salary structure for the (allegedly) soon to be ex-skipper of the one of the world’s most sophisticated nuclear-powered killing machines.

It is considered unlikely the Portsmouth based senior Naval officer will seek a desk at the Admiralty.

Britain’s brand new top- secret, not to be photographed and, until now, highly protected and security-screen-veiled at the Clyde Faslane nuclear sub depot HMS Astute sat out in full public view in the shallow and narrow bit between Skye and the mainland off North West Scotland for ten hours yesterday.
In true Navy Lark tradition straight from the helm of HMS Troutbridge, the BBC steam radio comedy series, someone seems to have ordered “left hand down a bit” and run the brand new (named in August by the divorced woman who married the punitive father of Princess Di’s kids William and Harry) £1bn sub on the hard bit.

It was pulled off last night and it has divers down to see how bad the scratches are. It is already leaking out the sub’s rudder is damaged. If the skipper’s really lucky it may have be the cause of the stranding.

If not, the immediately pending inquiry and possible Courts Martial will mean another mariner is going to be beached…permanently.

Astute was wrenched free by a tug and towed to deep water where a survey will be carried out.

RN ships are gathering around the sub to keep others away….all a little too much and too late.

The boat is so new it was still on sea trials when it grounded next to the Skye Bridge.
It is expected Royal Navy lawyers will be reading the small-print of the sales agreement with BAE Systems in Barrow in Furness, Cumbria, to see if the extended warranty covers the steering wheel….it is unlikely to cover the nut behind the wheel.

The boat is around 8,000 tonnes, and 300 plus feet long. It is nuclear powered but was unarmed and not due to be in service until next year.

Let’s hope they get it back from the garage in time to load the Spearfish torpedoes and Tomahawk cruise missiles to halt the food and fuel riots which can surely only be a few months away from Britain’s High Streets as the bankers get richer and the Brits get hungrier.

One thing’s for sure. This picture, taken by Ken MacPherson,
from today’s Scotsman is going to sell more postcards than grainy shots of Nessy for the next few years.

Well it’s a much bigger bogeyman and it’s reputation will become monstrous . It is doubtful the Navy will have an easy time filling the crew slots on a Jonah submarine.

Looking at the pictures it is probable the skipper will also be charged with failure to observe the International Marine Code of Conduct. Stranded ships are required to hoist two black ball shapes to warn other vessels of their predicament.

Hence the the expression: “A complete Balls Up”

Wonder how long it will be before they let Camilla launch another one? – AGW


Picture 1 of 4

The scene near the Isle of Skye in Scotland where HMS Astute run aground.

Posted: 23rd, October 2010 | In: Reviews Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink