Anorak News | X Factor 2010 Week 3 Live Blog: Guilty Pleasures

X Factor 2010 Week 3 Live Blog: Guilty Pleasures

by | 23rd, October 2010

X FACTOR Week 3: Live Blog: It’s Guilty Pleasures night. Which is pretty much sums up the X Factor. Also why is the show sponsored by Top Shop? Answer: because its owner and Cowell want to create a new Disney in Europe. The show:

Katie Waissel sings that monkey’s song from The Jungle Book.

Like watching a matinée on a rainy day while sat next to woman in wet red cagoule. You just stare wand wait to be told it’s finished and you can leave.

Wagner. This. Year’s. Winner.

Robert Downey Junior meets Britney Spears.

And it is awful.

Bell Amie – So. Which one is the worst singer? Tough call.

But if’you’re a David Bellamy tribute act does the singing matter? It’s all about the beards. More beards next week , girls. if you survive.

Aisel stand bwy yweooo

Aiden Grimshaw brings back memories of the mruder of John Lennon with Jealous Guy.

Cheryl gets it but is not sure we at home do. She’s in the biz. We are merely drones waiting to be told what to like and buy.

Aiden looks like Jennifer Capriati. And is taller than Dermot. Two plus points, we feel.

Mary Byrne bellows I Who Have Nothing. She really does sing every song one way. It’s not a bad way -e big and bold. But a night of it would leave you weeping and scared.

Cheryl says:

“You represent real women [translation: overweight drudges] I don’t want to look at the screen or anything, I’m just taken by you.”

Go on, Mary tell her to **** off. Cheryl will respect you for it. Because – like yous shee’s welll reeeeel.

Treyc – Her guilty pleasure is singing a bit of Whole Lotta Love while dressed as the Muppet’s American Eagle.

Very forgettable.

One Direction look like a public school water polo team.

One of them’s called Harry. They sing Nobody Knows by Pink. Yep, five boys’ guilty pleasure is singing:

If I could pretend that I’m asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows

It’s not the Birdie Song, Smiley Culture’s Police Officer or the Tom Robinson Band’s ode to trucking. It’s Pink’s weepy crap-fest. One Direction. One Haircut. No Personality.

Simon says:

We chose the song, it didn’t work. But you guys, you don’t bleat on. You grabbed it by the horns and cracked it. It is an absolute pleasure working with you guys.

How many cloches can Si(r) get into one end of term appraisal?

Matt Cardle sings Hit Me Baby One More Time. It is a great pop song. He pulls it off.

But it’s slow and acoustic and y0ur mind wanderzzzzzzzzzzz

Cher Lloyd sings dressed as Anorak Towers’ old officer cleaner in Diana Ross’s old hair.

She sings Tear For Fears’ Shout.

Cher is also green.

Smaller than Dermot, who squeezes her purple jacked and leaves a hole where an arm might be. Where is Cher in those clothes?

Rebecca Ferguson sings another slowwwwww song. She smooches Why Don’t You Do Right by Nora Lee King.


Is Tretchikoff doing the colour?

She’s taller than Dermot – which is encouraging.

Cheryl says Rebecca is “100% here, in front of our eyes.” If any judge was made to call a register, it’s insightful Cheryl. Present!

John Adeleye sings Zzzzzzzzoom – slowly. Two people come on stage and start getting off with each other. John’s music has power.

Fat Larry’s Band always was the last chance to pull at the disco.

More sex. Less song. Something to look at as your slip into the Land of Nod. Very dreary.

DO  NOT ADJUST YOUR SET – That is Cheryl Cole. Not Marti Caine. CHERYL  COLE!

Paije sings slowly. He slowly sings Ain’t Nobody by Chaka Khan. Singing slowly is like crying in EastEnders. It wins you awards. Paije is in next week’s show.

He then speaks and sound like a young Conservative. Have the 1980s clothes got to him?

Posted: 23rd, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink