Anorak News | Charlie Sheen Not Happy About Ashton Kutcher Replacing Him, Which Is A Massive Surprise

Charlie Sheen Not Happy About Ashton Kutcher Replacing Him, Which Is A Massive Surprise

by | 16th, May 2011

REMEMBER us telling you that Ashton Kutcher was to replace Charlie Sheen on Two And A Half Men? Do you recall that rising tide of ambivalence toward the whole story in your gut as you wondered why anyone would want to know should tawdry details about a show that no-one outside of America is stupid enough to watch?

Well, in what is devastatingly surprising news, Charlie Sheen wants to say something about it all.

In fact, Sheen isn’t thrilled at all about the follically challenged toy-boy of Demi Moore taking his old job, which he essentially lost because he was hoovering half of Colombia up his collapsing snout and treating his bosses like they were the worst humans on the planet because they had the gall to ask him to be a bit more professional for his $1million+ per episode salary.

Sheeno has released a statement saying:

“Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer … Oh wait, so am I!”

Only Charlie Sheen could be so irreparably junked out of his mind that he could say, without fear of ridicule, that Kutcher is a ‘brilliant comedic performer’. This man clearly has such low-brow tastes that he could watch a revolving platter of mouse shit, slowly turning in a microwave, and be under the impression he’s watching the greatest television show in the universe.

Kutcher, meanwhile, says:

“I can’t replace Charlie Sheen but I’m going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people!”

Don’t bother. Please. We fear that this might end up on T4 on a Sunday morning and our hangovers couldn’t take it.


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Posted: 16th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink