Anorak News | List-makers add Elton John to 2013 deathpool sheets

List-makers add Elton John to 2013 deathpool sheets

by | 24th, May 2012

DEATH. As a dark Shadow, beckons his prey into the unknown by a soft whisper in the soul. Or, in the case of Elton John, something that will be of great concern after he was hospitalised after he came down with a ”serious respiratory infection”. No poetry will ever make Elton John want to die. He wants to live forever. In a palace made from diamonds and marbles.

Mister Yellow Brick Road was rushed to the Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, where they have hospital beds made from cocaine and chihuahuas, in the early hours of yesterday morning. He’s undergone every single test on Earth (just in case anyone is competitive about such matters, so he can eventually roll his eyes and say “yeah, had it”) and doctors have told him he won’t be performing ever again. Okay. That’s not true. He won’t be performing for a bit.

He certainly won’t be doing his ‘Million Dollar Piano’ residency at Las Vegas’ Caesars Palace. The people of Las Vegas – a notoriously sensitive and gentile set of people – are invariably vomiting with trepidation. They’ll be thrilled to learn that medics have told Elton has been told by medics he needs ”complete rest and antibiotic treatment to prevent damage.”

And so, after numerous concert cancellations in recent years, you can now update your deathpool spreadsheets and poise your finger over communicative devices and proudly be first to announce Elton John’s death.

Posted: 24th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink