Anorak News | The horrific Miss Glitz Sparkle puts Lincolnshire on the global map

The horrific Miss Glitz Sparkle puts Lincolnshire on the global map

by | 4th, September 2012

LOOK out Honey Boo (see left), the British are coming. Ocean Orrey is the four-year-old voted “Most Beautiful” in the toddler and under-12 beauty Miss Glitz Sparkle pageant staged at the Pride of Lincoln Hotel.

We don’t hear enough of Lincolnshire on the news cycle, do we? Outsiders wonder what goes on there. A place that spawns Margaret Thatcher, The Acid Bath Murderer John George Haigh and Ocean must be worth a look. Maybe it’s the lack of exposure on the international stage that has resulted in Ocean being called Ocean and not North Sea or Spurn Head. And then there are her two brothers, the 18-month-old twins Milan and Madrid.

A bit more confidence in Lincolnshire and the lads would be named Mablethorpe and Scunthorpe, or Market Deeping and Market Rasen, thus advertising Lincolnshire wherever they go rather than promoting Southern Europe’s industrial and commercial centres.

Ocean’s mum is called Bianca. Her mother is called Denise. Their family names are a nod to globalisation. Says Bianca:

“The children who take part are a different breed. They are kids who like the limelight. We’ve got dull, old-fashioned, apron-wearing mothers making their comments, but no one criticises them because their children are boring.”

Other children at the show are: Bessie-Sue Elder; Alexia Bates; Wade Edwards; and twins Starr and Stella Moss. The hope seems to be that the children will be the products of nominative determinism, standing out from the pack and soaring to fame’s stratosphere. Which is odd, given that the top celebrity is called David (Beckham) and we’ve just lamented the death of a man who really was out of this word. His name? Neil…

Posted: 4th, September 2012 | In: Key Posts, Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink