Anorak News | All Hail President Klitschko! And First Lady Hayden Panettiere!

All Hail President Klitschko! And First Lady Hayden Panettiere!

by | 24th, October 2013


BOXERS usually don’t quite know what to do with themselves after the hang their gloves up, and usually end up back in the ring too old, too hittable, and get battered by some upstart for a big purse.

However, Ukraine boxer and former world heavyweight boxing champ Vitali Klitschko has confirmed he will run in the country’s 2015 presidential election.

Klitch’ said he was standing despite a vote in parliament that could prevent his bid, because he has a residency permit issued in Germany. See, it looks a bit lousy when you’re telling everyone how much you care about a country when you can’t really bear to live there.

The funny thing is, is Vitali becomes president, then Hayden Panettiere – the cheerleader from Heroes – will be in a family that runs the country and seeing as she’s always nearly getting arrested for her animal rights campaigns, that could be fun for all!

Even better is that Klitschko is a headline punner’s wet dream. Vitali can ‘knock out the opposing parties’, ‘roll with the punches’, ‘take it all on the chin’ and all that good stuff. And with a 87.23% knockout percentage rate and the second best knockout-to-fight ratio of any champion in heavyweight boxing history (after Rocky Marciano’s 87.76%) it seems unlikely that anyone in politics is going to be a wise-ass to his face.

His supreme power and his possession of a PhD have led to his nickname, which will be the greatest politician nickname of all-time, Dr. Ironfist.

God, we hope he gets it and punches someone at the UN or something.

Posted: 24th, October 2013 | In: Politicians, Sports Comment | TrackBack | Permalink