Anorak News | British Jihadis Build New Syria With Asda Muesli Bars, Pot Noodles And ‘lol Pizza’

British Jihadis Build New Syria With Asda Muesli Bars, Pot Noodles And ‘lol Pizza’

by | 7th, February 2014

JIHADIS are using social media to recruit British fighters. Hear the call to arms for Syria’s ISIS and their subgroup the Muhajireen Brigade:

“Brothers, what are you waiting for? There are plenty of weapons here waiting for you to play with, plenty of food and plenty of women waiting to get married.”

The jihadi duly poses with the promised sweetmeats, proving that he is true to his word. Can any anyone doubt the quality of the brides when you see the ASDA Smartprice Strawberry Flavoured Cranberry Muesli Bars and chicken and mushroom Pot Noodle?

It wall-to-wall birds, bars and instant meals. It’s like backpacking in Rhodes with a modified paintball gun and your grandpa’s’s hat


asda jihadis

And that’s not all.

“we got Internet, phones, cheese burgers lol pizza, markets, schools for children, classes for adults, shariah courts and all sorts!”

You want proof? Here you are:

jihadi pizza

jihadi kebab


And to relax, there’s the villa with a pool and water polo facilities:




But were are the babes? Well, the brains trust are working on those.

“To the sisters: What are you waiting for? Your husbands clothes need washing! (I’m joking) but seriously what are you waiting for? You may wear your veils without being harassed, no woman is harmed here and if she is there is a harsh penalty as the woman’s honour is not to be tampered with whatsoever, there are plenty of mujahideen desiring to get married who have some of the most loving and softest characters I have ever witnessed even though they are lions in the battlefield, there are orphans here waiting for mothers to love them the way their parents would have. Come to the land of honour. You are needed here.

“We don’t just need men and money. We need communities. We are building the Islamic state. Join us as it is becoming extremely difficult to enter through the borders.”

It sounds like the women will have to fight their way in.  But, come on. This is the chance to build a new Stevenage, Telford or Milton Keynes, a paradise based on any number of New Towns.

Come to Syria. Now twinned with Runcorn.

Spotter: Mirror, Aris Roussinos

Posted: 7th, February 2014 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink