Anorak News | He’s Not That Kind Of Player: How The Biased English Media Love To Hate Luis Suarez

He’s Not That Kind Of Player: How The Biased English Media Love To Hate Luis Suarez

by | 25th, June 2014



MUCH debate over the Luis Suarez biting incident. On seeing it, did you jump from your chair and yell “Ha! Brilliant”?

Did you shake your head and worry about the state of the planet, the kids and the ozone?

Were you tuned into ITV and heard Clive Tyldesley break the borefest of England plodding along against Costa Rica’s second XI to tell us about the bite: “It’s on ITV4. Bye bye, everyone”?

Do you just marvel at how grown men can tie themselves in knots over a bit of nibbling?

Alejandro Balbi, Suarez’s lawyer, is as entertaining as his client (well, nearly), alluding to the player’s teeth being the tools of an Anglo-Italian conspiracy:

“We don’t have any doubts that this has happened because it’s Suárez and secondly because Italy was eliminated. There’s a lot of pressure from England and Italy. We’re polishing off a defence argument.”

Hungry Suarez might polish off more than that.

Balbi added:

“There is a possibility that they ban him, because there are precedents, but we’re convinced that it was an absolutely casual play, because if Chiellini can show a scratch on one shoulder, Suarez can show a bruised and almost shut eye. The injuries he suffers and they open inquiries for them everything will be way too complicated in the future. We’re going to use all the arguments possible so that Luis gets out in the best possible way.”

Fair point. Why is a bite worse than an over-the-ball chop or an elbow in the face?

BBC pundit Robbie Savage thinks it is. He screeched:

“It is a disgrace. Suarez should never play international football again.”

Former England captain Alan Shearer wants Suarez tenderised, telling the BBC:

“Suarez was found guilty at Ajax, he was found guilty at Liverpool and, if he is found guilty here, .Fifa should give him as long a ban as they can. Three bites and you are out. They should absolutely hammer him.”

Enjoy, then, this video of stickler for the rules and then England captain Alan Shearer meeting Neil Lennon in 1998. A red card would have meant Shearer misisng the FA Cup final:



And get this from the Beeb’s Danny Mills:

“It has to be the longest ban in football ever. A worldwide ban, not just an international ban. It is the third time it has happened and it is a clear bite this time, in a tournament of this magnitude, the most watched tournament in the world. They have got to throw him in jail and lock him up forever.”

FOREVER! Even the Yorkshire Ripper gets a parole hearing.

Of course, Suarez is not the first biter. Jermain Defoe (English and therefore noble) once (allgedly) took a nibble at Javier Maschernao (Argentine and therefore dirty and underhand). Defoe got a yellow card. And that was it.

Chiellini was pained. But at least he can walk. When Stoke City’s Ryan Shawcross broke Sheffield Wednesday striker Francis Jeffers’ leg, City’s assisatant manger, David Kemp, observed:

“There is no way that was a malicious challenge. Ryan isn’t that sort of player. It was probably a new experience for him to get frustrated, that’s why he chased down the ball and made that tackle. There was no malicious intent. It was a genuine attempt. We’ve seen far worse challenges go unpunished. It was just one of those football injuries, one of those incidents that frequently happen in the game. Before long Ryan might be on the end of one himself.”

A few years later, Shawcross broke the leg of Aresnal’s Aaron Ramsey.





Accidents happen. Shawcross was called into the England squad.

When Brimingham City’s Martin Taylor broke the leg of Arsenal’s Eduardo, he got a red card. Eduardo got pain, a look at his bone exploding through his sock, nuts, bolts and months of rehab.  The then Wigan manager Steve Bruce, thought it wise to tell everyone:

” He has mis-timed the tackle, and I’ve seen it. Some would say it is not even a yellow card.”





Roy Keane ended Alf-Inge Rasdal “Alfie” Håland’s career with a horrible foul. The Manchester United captain earned a red card.



roy keane foul


In his autobiogprahy, Keane noted:

“I’d waited long enough. I f****** hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c***.  And don’t ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries. Even in the dressing room afterwards, I had no remorse. My attitude was, f*** him.”

Keane is now an ITV pundit.

So. Suarez needs jailing for a nibble?

Uruguay captain Diego Lugano told the Press:

“You couldn’t have seen it because nothing happened. The worst of everything is the attitude of Chiellini. As a man, he disappointed me totally.”

Oscar Tabarez, the Uruguay manager, offered:

 “…this is a football World Cup – it’s not about morality, cheap morality”.

Fair point. A nibble is just that. But for years the message has been that football is a game watched by slum people who are only ever a word away from a race riot or committing despicable crimes against the dead and dying. Football fans need controlling, say the elite. They bill footballers as “role models”. The proles look up to them, goes the message. If the players Kick Out racism and shake hands and behave in a morally sound fashion, so will the working classes.

The political elite love to pose with footballers and connect with the common man (with laughably hideous results). It is now obligatory for English politicians to hitch themselves to the ‘beautiful game’ as publicly as possible. You see, what footballers do matters. When Suarez bit Chelsea’s Ivanovic, the Daily Mail reported on mum Sharon Ellis who said a biting attack on her 11-year-old son Ryan was “a direct result of the example Suarez had set”. She added:

“These aren’t nursery school children, you don’t expect 11-year-olds to go around biting each other. I haven’t heard this child’s name before as being a naughty boy in school, I think it’s just a copycat situation. Suarez should not have done what he did, he’s an adult at the end of the day.”

Let us be thankful that Suarez didn’t rape Ivanovic, or beat him to death with his fists. And let us be thankful that the kids aren’t watching violent vampire fantasy films, like Twilight, in which old men disguised as teenagers bite and impregnate virgin girls. It’d be carnage in the classroom!

Back to Taberez, who added:

“As we say in Uruguay, there are people who are hiding behind a tree waiting for someone to make a mistake. Suarez, despite mistakes he might have made, is a target of certain media, of press.”

True, again. Suarez is a great story. That bite was pure gold. For the English media looking to maintain viewer interest in a World Cup the lads had been kicked out at the earliest possibly opportunity, Suarez’s bite was manna from heaven.

Give it a few years, and Suarez will be redeemed once more and joining trusty BBC role model Gary Lineker in selling crisps to those impressionable kids…

Posted: 25th, June 2014 | In: Key Posts, Sports Comments (4) | TrackBack | Permalink